There’s a lot of pressure on women today, and no one understands that better than Kim Kardashian. No, no, stay with me.
She’s released an advert for her Skims Butt Enhancing line, which includes shorts, leggings and bodysuits that give you a “bigger, rounder, perkier” bum. They’re basically Wonderbras for your bottom. Goodbye, boys?
They range from £78 to £158, and yes of course they’re already sold out on her website in all colours, apart from in the odd size or two (at time of typing).
Kim, it should be noted, is flying especially high at the moment. Skims was recently valued at $4bn, and she’s no longer married to Kanye West, which increasingly seems like her canniest move to date.
She stars in the advert as Fairy Butt Mother, a play on Fairy Godmother that smacks of being kicked round and round a creative meeting until the attendees convinced themselves it worked. Fairy bod mother – because she’s helping people get their dream body? Fair-rear godmother? OK, fine, it’s harder than it seems.
In the ad, a stunning, flawless, young – let’s be honest – model with an unarguably perfect body sits on an exercise mat in a gym, despairing about how awful she looks.
“Why is everything so hard?” she wonders aloud, as so many of us have. A be-winged, be-Skimmed Kim appears and tells her to stand up. “I know. I know. I should stand up,” she moans, “I should work for the body that I want, but I just can’t. I’m doing so much already. I’m getting protein. I’m eating healthy. I drink so much water, I get my hair dyed, I do self care, a skincare routine. I’m cold-plunging. I work and socialise. I just can’t do it anymore. Can’t there just be one thing in life that’s easy?”
After a quick joke about how no one can tell the Kardashian sisters apart, now proven good sport Kim announces that she is the Fairy Butt Mother. And she’s there to make one issue on this impossibly impeccable creature’s lengthy list of concerns easier. “With Skims’ new shapewear you can get a butt, boobs and amazing curves immediately,” she trills.
With a wave of her magic wand – “Bippity, boppity, boob” (geddit) – she transforms the model’s body, by instantly adding the revolutionary shapewear.
The girl was clearly beautiful before, but now she is beautiful in the correct way, and that’s much more important, obviously. She’s fashionably beautiful rather than – yawn – classically.
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Kim Kardashian (@kimkardashian)
The legend “The Ultimate Butt” is emblazoned across the screen as Kim enlightens us, “Skims shapewear: because one thing should be effortless.”
It’s hard not to sigh when reading it. But hold on. Maybe the question here should be whether The Ultimate Butt is the problem, or actually the solution? No matter the motivation behind (no pun intended) it, what is the end (and again) result?
There’s no doubt that Kardashian is giving the people what they want. Whatever your personal opinion – and baffling though it may be to those of us who grew up in the “Does my bum look big in this?” era, when if it did, that was bad – Kim’s is currently the aspirational body shape.
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Read MoreIt’s so popular that people are flying abroad, where cosmetic surgery is usually cheaper than in the UK, in a bid to keep up with the Kardashians. Demi Agoglia, a 26-year-old mum of three from Salford, died last year after having a Brazilian butt lift in Turkey, and the Foreign Office report that she’s one of 28 British people since 2019 who didn’t survive after operations there.
It’s surely a positive if Kim’s padded pants can stop others risking their lives, and, presumably, wracking up massive debts, because even in Turkey the bill is still thousands. It’s extremely worrying that women are permanently altering their bodies to keep up with what’s in style, because fashion, as we know, always moves on. And then what? Far better to change your underwear rather than yourself.
It’s also strangely feel-good to take the brain holiday of buying into the fairytale aspect of Kim’s advert. We live, in case you haven’t noticed, in bleak, terrifying, almost dystopian times, our world more out of control every day, and us largely powerless pawns in the game. Here is an aspect of our existences that we can control. One thing in life that’s easy. OK, it’s bottoms rather than peace in the Middle East, but hey, it’s a start.
And could it be seen as cheering that so many people can afford knickers that are nearly 80 quid in a cost of living crisis? OK no, pushed it too far there haven’t I? What an appropriate shame, to end on a bum note.
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