He is a cheap children’s toy that’ll say an identical stock phrase whenever you press its button.
Cummings likes to present himself as some kind of scientific genius who trades in data rather than vibes and can therefore forecast events with uncanny accuracy, but his every utterance is stupefyingly banal.
One of the most remarkable elements of Westminster culture is people’s iron-clad self-assurance.
Not so long ago, Cummings had the world at his fingertips. He enjoyed pride of place next to a Prime Minister with a large majority right at the start of his time in office.
He provided the first self-inflicted wound in the administration, one which would later turn into a gangrenous festering sore, become infected, and then consume the host body alive.
This was by some distance Cummings’s great contribution to British culture. He gave us the gift of humour. He took a moment of real national pain and suffering and made it funny. For that we should be eternally grateful – but our appreciation should stop there, alongside the boundaries of his talent.
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Farage knows the type because he is one. Cummings and Farage are, in their own broken way, two images of the same personality. Indeed, they both offered the same advice to the British people, nearly 10 years ago during the Brexit referendum.
Cummings was supposedly the respectable one, but he churned out lies with a side-order of racism, for instance, claiming that Turkey was about to join the EU and trigger a crime wave.
They made all the promises in the world: about the NHS, control, sovereignty, economic health, and national destiny.
Farage told fishermen that their “communities are destroyed by the common fisheries policy”. He did not mention the basic facts: that Britain does not eat the fish in its waters and instead exports it to European markets.
Farage had promised that these checks would not be required. Experts told him they would be because they are required all over the world.
Now Farage continues issuing the same warnings and the same promises as if nothing had happened.
“This will be catastrophic for Britain’s many coastal towns,” Farage said. “Only Reform UK will stand up for our fishing industry and ensure they’re protected and allowed to thrive.”
Cummings and Farage deserve each other. They’re both utterly ignorant of that which they speak about, they’re both boring and predictable, and they both suffer the precise flaws of those they lambast.
They should work together – they’d get on terribly well. But if the rest of us have even one remaining brain cell left in our head, we’ll finally learn to ignore them.
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