My all-inclusive Eurovision cruise was cheaper and more fun than Basel  ...Middle East

I’m sitting on an oversized lounger big enough for three, mega-cup piña colada one side, an impromptu Eurovision-themed conga line on the other. In front of me, colourful water slides spit out grown men wearing grins as big as my cocktail. 

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My affordable river cruise filled with cobbled cities, wine and good food

Mega-ship cruising and Eurovision are clearly a match made in heaven. A camp, joyous, all-inclusive heaven. Both are exuberant, crowd-pleasing and glitzy, so it’s no wonder Royal Caribbean decided to put the two together with its Eurovision-themed cruise around the Mediterranean cities of Barcelona, Palma, Marseille, Florence, Rome and Naples. A sponsor of the competition, it first launched the themed cruises last summer.

Taking place in the week leading up to the Eurovision final (with another departure on Independence of the Seas from Southampton next month, the theme is fairly subtle, probably because most of the passengers are from the US where Eurovision – despite being the most-watched non-sporting TV event in the world with more than 160m viewers – means nothing at all.

But one of the beautiful things about Eurovision is your ready-made community. Like travelling as a gay man, when you find your people, almost immediately, Eurovision fans sniff each other out. The outfits help. And of course, there’s a huge crossover between the LGBTQ+ and Eurovision demographics.

Our ship, the Allure of the Seas, has a nightly LGBTQ+ meet-up at 10pm in Vintages, one of the ship’s more glamorous bars, and in one fell swoop, I’d found most of the Eurovision gang, even if the Americans couldn’t quite get the hang of it. Telling them Celine Dion won for Switzerland in 1988 just seemed to make them more confused.  

Andreas and Manni from Malmö, Sweden, which has hosted Eurovision twice, have joined the cruise because tickets to the actual event are now out of reach: around £1,000 per person for the three shows before you factor in accommodation and day-to-day expenses in an already expensive town like Basel, where the final is being hosted.

Even the EuroClub – the competition’s official party place with a capacity of around 3,000 – is now prohibitively expensive for most, with neighbouring bars gladly sucking up the clientele.

There are two Eurovision themed departures this year (Photo: Royal Caribbean)

“When we added the drinks package,” says Manni of the cruise, “it came to around €1,700pp (£1,400pp). And that’s food, drink, holiday and Eurovision.” There are also weekend packages, jumping in at cities further along the route.

The fun of the Eurovision Song Contest Grand Final Viewing Party cruise starts at breakfast in Windjammer – whether you made it to bed last night or not – a huge open-plan dining hall on the 16th deck of this 18-deck behemoth with around an acre of buffet-style stands representing the greatest hits of global cuisine.

I go for a cobbled-together concoction of lentil curry, chickpea salad and chunks of broccoli (vegan options are notoriously hit-and-miss on these vessels), with a buck’s fizz. It comes with a side show of zipline early-birders flashing past the window.

The ship even has a zipline (Photo: Ron Buskirk/UCG/Universal Images Group /Getty)

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Alongside Eurovision-themed parties, karaoke nights, quizzes, a gala dinner and live performances, the cruise also includes a variety of experiences that range from the very naff to the very glamorous. It takes a lot to keep up to more than 6,000 guests entertained.

Central Park on the 8th deck is an open-air garden with Calatrava-like structures piercing the ground, fringed by arguably the classiest joints on the boat – lovely little Italian and French bistros, cosy wine and tapas bars, intimate breakfast cafes if the scrum of Windjammer isn’t to your taste and, come evening, a jazz band that takes requests (but may not know all of them).

Down on the 5th is The Boardwalk, where we emerge after boarding the ship. Feeling more like a Westfield shopping centre, it’s packed with shops, mid-range restaurants, and a cocktail bar that rises and falls two decks while you sip your vodka martini. The engineering alone makes my mind boggle.

And on our first night, 10,000 balloons fall from the sky at midnight, just to get the party started.

At my last count, there were six theatres showing a roster of big-hitting shows, including Eurovision-friendly Mama Mia the musical, Blue Planet – an environment-themed jukebox musical – the brilliant Blades, which is ex-Olympic ice-skaters putting on a spectacularly choreographed show, and “Adult Comedy”, a non-PG set that sells out fast.

Throw in three pools, countless hot tubs, a waterpark, crazy golf, crazier surf simulator, an always-popular after-hours casino (a refuge for smokers), and the numerous excursion options for when you’re at port, and there’s barely time for any sleep.

“Your Swedish flags are so raggedy,” I tell Andreas and Manni, as they decorate their balcony with rainbow flags and lots of the gold and blue of their home nation, ready for the final, amid on-board rumours of an appearance by a Eurovision act.

“That’s because we win so often,” says Manni. “They never get time to recover.” We’ll find out whether that’s true at the viewing party on Saturday night.

Royal Caribbean’s next Eurovision cruise departs Southampton on 18 June for three nights, calling at Bruges.

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