I gave birth to my daughter when I was 43, a miracle of sorts. After two miscarriages, we had lost hope. I was too old, the doctor said. Then she came, one sunny April, on an Easter Sunday. There were moments of medical panic, but there she was, in my arms, and both her dad and me flooded with relief and indescribable joy.
I can still feel her in my arms, hear her gurgles and cries. Albums with her pictures are in a cupboard. We look at them often. (Sorry guys, phone snaps can never be as evocative.) A tiny pair of blue Converse shoes, her pacifier, the silky cloth she always clutched, a tiny cap knitted by her paternal gran and a little gold bracelet given to her by my mum, are in a beautiful box.
I was wondering if I should give her that box when I felt my eyes filling up. Our girl is getting married. Time, the fastest of rivers, has brought us here. And it is going on at speed. The hen do is over. The register office marriage is in a few days. Then it’s the henna do – more on that anon – followed by the full-on wedding, one of numerous others taking place in spring and summer.
We parents talk about “empty-nest syndrome” – that sense of loss when children leave home to find work, go to university or college. But there is no term for the intense, confused, contradictory emotions that overwhelm us when children fly off to build their own lives and nests with a chosen soulmate.
The strangers on these isles are led by those like Farage and Starmer. Don’t fear them. Pity them
We hope they will be happy, yet can’t help worrying about how it will all work out or whether the sweetness will turn sour, bitter or worse. And ever present is the yearning for the family life we once had.
I also have to deal with cultural dilemmas. Our daughter is marrying an Englishman, as I did and my late sister did. Our son’s wife is English too. At my wedding, I wore an Indian outfit. My female friends and cousins did so too. The food was Indian. Expressing this part of my multiple identity was important to me. That identity matters less and less to my offspring, which I accept but find painful. Imagine my joy, then, when our daughter asked me to organise a mehendi (henna) lunch. White and black women attending are intrigued and delighted too.
This is a miniature portrait of modern British life: cultural curiosity, blending, adventures and expansiveness. Call it natural integration. It has gone on for 500 years or more and touched every bit of these isles.
Shapeshifting Keir Starmer’s latest utterings dishonour that history and all of us of migrant heritage. He doesn’t call upon those who want to keep their enclaves white to “integrate”. He doesn’t praise and thank the migrants who service our country, who excel at science, the arts, sports and business. He doesn’t say he is proud of the inclusiveness and creativity of modern Britishness. Instead he channels Enoch Powell and Nigel Farage, by warning the UK could become “an island of strangers” without tougher immigration curbs.
Black and Asian Labour voters must be outraged by Starmer’s latest politicking. Several have been in touch. Danny, a young techie, tells me his view: “He’s not even hiding his xenophobia. [He is] wearing it on his chest. Compared to the US, and the EU, we’re a cohesive, rainbow nation. Reform hates that. Now the PM does too.”
square IAN DUNT Starmer is as bad as those who came before him. What a bitter disappointment
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My mother, who spoke rudimentary English, lived in shared accommodation with mostly white pensioners. They rubbed along. One day, some of them asked me about a henna rose tattoo on my wrist. I took some in, and drew little flowers on their hands. The coming wedding reminded me of that fun day. And Danny’s upbeat words about our “rainbow nation” have given me heart.
Our nation mixes and merges, redefines its contours and character. The strangers on the isles are those who fight against that inevitability, led by white leaders like Farage and Starmer. Don’t fear them. Pity them instead. For they are lost in time and trying to gain control of a place they do not understand.
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