Dads, It's Not Babysitting If It's Your Own Kid ...Middle East

When a man refers to caring for his own children as "babysitting," it reveals a troubling mindset: childcare is mother's work, and any involvement from the dad is optional. This phenomenon - where men frame caring for their own children as a favor rather than a responsibility - is a symptom of deeper inequities in emotional and domestic labor.

These imbalances don't just strain relationships: they can also take a toll on mothers' physical and mental health, identity, and sense of self-worth.

In the media, motherhood is often portrayed as a wondrous, joyful, fulfilling journey, and at times it absolutely is. However, motherhood can also be filled with unexpected tolls: invisible labor, unmet expectations, and simmering rage. All too often, many mothers are gravely disappointed to discover that they are expected to be the default parent.

The "Babysitter" Mentality: A Symptom of Gendered Parenting

When a partner refers to watching the kids as "babysitting," it minimizes the roles fathers play and perpetuates the idea that mothers are the default caregivers. Cue the chorus of men and, yes, even some women, shouting, "It's not that deep!" Except it is.

This language is not just flippant semantics. It's a reflection of deeply entrenched gender role expectations that determine who is responsible for the emotional and domestic labor in a household and who gets to benefit from it.

According to research, women are still expected to perform the majority of childcare and housework, even in dual-income households. A study by Bianchi et al. (2012) found that mothers spend significantly more time on caregiving and household tasks than fathers, even when both partners work full-time.

This imbalance is often invisible to men, whose insulation from mental and physical labor may leave them unaware of how much actually goes into managing a household and raising children.

The Disappointment of Unequal Partnerships

Many modern women enter relationships and parenthood expecting an equal partner, only to find themselves ruefully disappointed when their partner doesn't step up how they hoped. This disappointment isn't just about parity in who changes diapers or does the dishes; it's a disappointment in realizing they are unseen, unsupported, and undervalued.

When you're the only parent who knows the pediatrician's number, who keeps track of extracurricular activity schedules, and who soothes nighttime fears, it's easy to feel like you're parenting alone.

Especially when left unaddressed, this dynamic can lead to resentment and emotional distance in relationships and make the woman feel like a parent to her partner, which can lead to a drop off in desire. As Darcy Lockman writes in "All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership," many mothers feel a profound sense of betrayal when they realize how unevenly the burdens of caretaking are distributed. This betrayal isn't just about disparities in labor, it's about what it represents - namely the broken promise of partnership.

The If you've ever felt a surge of anger while folding laundry at midnight or packing yet another school lunch, know that you're not alone. Maternal rage is a common – though often unspoken - experience, due to societal pressure to label motherhood as a joyful sacrifice. This rage is a response to the relentless demands of emotional and domestic labor, compounded by a lack of recognition and support.

Even when you're surrounded by family, the emotional weight of being the default parent can feel desolate. Research by Rizzo et al. (2013) found that mothers who shoulder the majority of childcare responsibilities are at a higher risk of experiencing loneliness and depression.

Maternal isolation is exacerbated by cultural expectations that mothers should be endlessly patient, selfless, and nurturing, only caring for themselves after everyone else is taken care of. Such expectations leave little room for expressing anger or seeking help.

The Challenges of Truly Equal Co-Parenting

Achieving truly equal co-parenting can be more difficult than it sounds. Even when both partners are committed to sharing responsibilities, societal norms and workplace structures often get in the way. For example, women are more likely to take on flexible or part-time work to accommodate childcare needs, which can reinforce the idea that they are the primary caregivers. Meanwhile, men may face workplace stigma for taking parental leave or prioritizing family over career.

These structural barriers are compounded by ingrained gender roles. Even when men want to be more involved in parenting, they often lack the skills, initiative, or confidence to take on caregiving tasks, or they hide behind strategic incompetence. This can lead to a cycle where women, feeling overwhelmed, step in to "fix" things, further entrenching the imbalance.

The physical and emotional burden of caretaking disproportionately falls on women. Emotional labor, the invisible work of managing family dynamics and anticipating needs, is overwhelmingly shouldered by mothers. This includes everything from remembering birthdays to mediating sibling conflicts, integrating extended family dynamics, and planning family vacations.

Anger as a Catalyst For Change

When we acknowledge and express our rage at the inequities we face, we challenge the systems and norms that perpetuate them. We can turn our anger into action at the personal and societal level. Here's how:

Caring for your own children isn't babysitting, it's parenting. And until we challenge the gendered norms that frame childcare primarily as women's work, mothers will continue to bear the brunt of emotional and domestic labor. This isn't just a personal issue, it's a societal one, especially in a political climate actively trying to wind back the progress made toward a more equitable society.

By having honest conversations, setting boundaries, and advocating for change, mothers can harness their collective power and move toward a future where parenting is truly a shared responsibility. So the next time your partner says he's "babysitting," gently remind him that it's not babysitting if it's your kid. And then hand him the diaper bag, walk out the door, and take some well-deserved time for yourself. You've earned it.

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