10 Manipulative Tactics Straight Out of a Gaslighter’s Playbook, Psychologists Say ...Saudi Arabia

The term “gaslighting” gets thrown around a lot lately—dictionary publisher Merriam-Webster even chose it as the 2022 word of the year. Although it has become a common phrase, it’s actually a serious form of emotional abuse. Understanding the telltale manipulation tactics that gaslighters use can be crucial for identifying and escaping toxic relationships.“The ultimate goal is to gain power and control by making the victim dependent on the gaslighter’s version of events,” says Bonnie Mitchell, the clinical director of Healthy Life Recovery. “[It’s] a subtle yet devastating tactic that erodes a person’s sense of reality, leading to confusion, self-doubt, and profound emotional distress. It’s more than just disagreement or lying: It’s a systematic effort to make someone question their sanity.”Because gaslighters seek to make others doubt their version of reality, being able to identify their manipulative patterns can be difficult, no matter what type of relationship you have with them.“I think anyone is susceptible to [gaslighting], in any relationship that’s not just acquaintance, surface-level,” says Cali Werner, a clinician at the OCD Institute of Texas. “[It’s] someone that makes you question yourself a lot and feel confused, when there’s no questioning to be had.”Below, psychologists provide insights on how to pick up on signs that you’re being manipulated by a gaslighter, and how to heal from the harm that gaslighting inflicts.Related: The 10 Earliest Signs of Emotional Manipulation To Look Out For, According to Psychologists

As Cleveland Clinic notes, people gaslight victims “over long periods of time in an effort to gain power and control over them.”Psychologist Jasnoor Kaur of @psychwithnoor says that gaslighting is mainly about power and control, and can stem from insecurity.“When people find it uncomfortable to admit their mistakes or take accountability, pushing the blame on someone else might make them feel better,” Kaur says.

Werner adds that, in some cases, individuals perpetuating extreme gaslighting are personally struggling with a mental illness themselves, such as narcisstic personality disorder, explaining, “I think we often think [that gaslighters] know exactly what they’re doing, when sometimes, they don’t actually know that they’re gaslighting, because they might be struggling themselves."Related: 8 Phrases High-Level Gaslighters Often Use, According to Psychologists

What Are Common Gaslighter Relationship Dynamics?

Gaslighting is often discussed in the context of romantic partnerships. Although this form of abuse definitely shows up in romantic relationships when individuals trivialize their partners’ concerns and feelings, Mitchell notes that it can also manifest in “family dynamics, friendships and even in professional settings.”In the case of friendships, Mitchell says that a gaslighting friend might “create drama or spread rumors, then deny their involvement or accuse the other person of being paranoid or creating problems.”Meanwhile, parents who gaslight their children “might deny every saying or doing something hurtful, even when confronted with clear evidence.”Werner adds that parent-child gaslighting “can also happen [in] reverse when the child is an adult and now caring for their older elderly parent.”Related: 9 Red Flags of Workplace Manipulation and How to Respond, According to Psychologists

Gaslighting is more than just a buzzword. In reality, it can lead to lasting psychological trauma that can lead survivors to cut themselves off from others.“If someone has been subject to verbal abuse from gaslighting, it can be tough for them to create friendships and relationships again, because of the fear that situation created,” Werner says. “Rebuilding that confidence can take some time, and you might isolate yourself.”Related: Do Manipulators Know What They're Doing? A Psychologist Shares the Truth

10 Gaslighter Manipulation Tactics, According to Psychologists

A gaslighter often outright lies and denies that they said certain things or that events occurred, even when they are presented with proof.According to Mitchell, “If confronted about a broken promise, they might flatly state, ‘I never said that,’ leaving the victim questioning their memory.Related: 13 Genius Tricks To Catch a Liar in the Act, According to Psychologists

2. Trivializing Feelings

Kaur explains that even if a gaslighter does something terrible, they will often invalidate a victim’s own feelings and experiences.“If you’re shouting or crying while expressing [your emotions], they might say, ‘You’re overreacting, it’s not a big deal,’” she notes.

A victim’s memories of events are constantly called into question by gaslighters, even down to the smallest details.“They might say, ‘Are you sure you remember that correctly?’ Or ‘You always get things wrong,’ leading the victim to doubt their own recall,” Mitchell explains.

4. Diverting

When confronted or challenged, gaslighters often change the subject or question their victim’s credibility, placing the blame on them.“They might deflect,” Warner points out. “They might get asked a question and say something like, ‘Why are you so focused on the past?’”

Gaslighters withhold when they refuse to listen to or understand their victims’ concerns.“They might stonewall, change the subject or pretend not to hear, making the victim feel invisible and unheard,” Mitchell shares.

6. Trying To Align Others Against You

Like many abusers, gaslighters will typically try to isolate their victims from other sources of support, such as friends and family. In their case, they might also manipulate others to spread negative information about the victim in hopes of making more people take their side.As Mitchell notes, “They might say things like, ‘Everyone knows you’re a bit dramatic,’ or, ‘Even [our mutual friend] thinks you’re overreacting,’ making the victim feel isolated and question their support system.”

Gaslighters rarely take responsibility for their actions, choosing instead to deny any wrongdoing.“They feel like, ‘I didn’t do anything wrong’ all the time,” Werner says. “They’re not really able to take ownership for some of the mistakes they made.”

8. Shifting Blame

Rather than owning up to their actions when they’ve done something wrong, a gaslighter often shifts blame onto another person, typically their victim.“They will blame the victim or external circumstances,” Mitchell says. “‘If you hadn’t provoked me’ or ‘I was under a lot of stress’ are common refrains.”Kaur points out that this can also be referred to as projection, AKA “accusing the person of doing something that [they ’re] partaking in.”

Even when gaslighters occasionally praise or offer kindness toward the person they’re gaslighting, this can be another manipulative tactic to keep the victim off balance and hopeful that their abuser might change their ways.As Mitchell points out, “This creates confusion and makes the abuse harder to recognize.”

10. Using What You Love Against You

Exploiting a victim’s loved ones, vulnerabilities and values is another way that gaslighters seek to exert control.“They might say, ‘You wouldn’t want to upset your mother, would you?’ Or, ‘I thought you were amore understanding person,’ playing on the victim’s empathy of desires,” Mitchell explains.Related: 8 Genius Comebacks for Dealing With a Manipulator, According to Psychologists

Bottom line: If you’re in immediate physical danger in a relationship, seek outside help. The United States National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233. Alternatively, you can live chat or text 88788.In less urgent situations, Werner recommends seeking out help from a mental health provider, “because they can point out patterns” in your relationship with a gaslighter.“Doing cognitive behavioral work of reframing and really recognizing your worth as so much more than what this gaslighter is saying, and building yourself up in a way that you can independently problem solve [can be helpful],” she says.

Once you’ve identified those patterns, setting boundaries with your gaslighter can be key in leaving that relationship and protecting your peace. To effectively set those boundaries, Werner stresses that having an “accountability person” to help can be crucial.

“[That’s] somebody that can hold them accountable to setting those boundaries,” she explains. “Whether it’s walking away from the person when they’re being toxic, whether it’s saying, ‘I’m not gonna hang out with this person in these types of scenarios,’ whether it’s breaking the friendship or relationship altogether.”

Up Next:

Related: 14 Genius Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting, According to Psychologists

Sources

Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( 10 Manipulative Tactics Straight Out of a Gaslighter’s Playbook, Psychologists Say )

Also on site :

• White South Africans arrive in US after refugee status granted
• UnitedHealth Group CEO steps down; suspends 2025 outlook on higher-than-expected medical costs
• SpaceX launches 26 Starlink satellites from California