There’s a now infamous part in With Love, Meghan where the Duchess of Sussex corrects her friend Mindy Kaling while they make snacks for a tea party. “It’s so funny too that you keep saying Meghan Markle. You know I’m Sussex now,” she says.
I rolled my eyes when I watched it – not because I care specifically about the Royals, former or current – but because it was just another reminder of my generation’s willingness to ditch their surnames when they get married, something the majority of us still very much do.
But that could be about change. According to new research from YouGov, this tradition is falling out of favour with 18-34 year olds, with just 35 per cent of women in this age group saying that they would adhere to changing their name at marriage.
When I got married last September, it never occurred to me that I would change my surname. My name, while hardly memorable or popstar worthy (it’s no Dua Lipa), is something I’ve grown very protective of.
It’s the name my parents gave me; the name teachers and childminders used when I was naughty; the name emblazoned on the back of many a football shirt; the name on life-changing correspondence and degree certificates; the name my oldest pals know me by; the name I typed into my best friend’s phone when we first exchanged numbers; the name my very first piece of journalism was published under; and the name on that dating app profile my now-husband swiped on.
My name is part of me, and there was no way I was suddenly going to abandon it just because I had a ring on my finger.
Perhaps I have an affinity to my name more than others or am at least more stubborn about it, for according to the UK Deed Poll Office, I am one of just 3 per cent of newlyweds who felt the same in 2024. But I do find it depressing when I see women who have worked so hard to make a name for themselves so eager to adopt their husband’s.
I’ve seen it happen multiple times: WhatsApp contacts and social media handles updating before my hangover from their wedding has even subsided.
square KATE LISTER
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Read MoreMany women I have spoken to about this say that the desire to change their name was purely so they can have the same name as their children. It is indeed the reasoning that the Duchess of Sussex gave, too, and I truly understand that desire to feel like a family unit all under one name, not least because travelling with a different name to the kids can cause all sorts of headaches for families.
But, why is the name change, and all the admin faff that goes with it, predominantly still falling on women? Why is it still the default option?
The tradition of women changing their name began hundreds of years ago, introduced in tandem with a law that dictated that a woman’s assets became her husband’s when they wed. It has been historically deemed as a way of showing that the woman “belongs” to her husband. It originates in a different era.
I appreciate it’s hard to break the mould on something so entrenched in our society. I have had my decision questioned and, despite making my stance clear, some relatives still address me with my husband’s name. It enrages me every time.
But things are slowly changing, as the new stats from YouGov show. Plus double-barrelling and combining names to create a new one are all increasingly popular.
My husband and I plan to take each other’s surnames as additional middle names. It’s our way of belonging to one another without either of us losing the name we have made our own. If we can ever face the admin, that is. Perhaps in time for our first anniversary. I guess paper is the traditional present, after all.
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