I am one of the 3.7 million households in the UK who has got a dog since 2020.
The addition to our lives of Mona, our 18-month-old black cockapoo, has shown me a lot that previously passed me by. The difference between a whine, a bark and a howl; just how much people can get away with charging for “artisan” dog food. And of course, the fact that other dogs are unavoidable.
As much as I love the little guys, I worry that Britain’s enthusiasm for dogs has gone too far. In 2024, an astonishing 36 per cent of all households included a dog, and those new pets are now accompanying their owners everywhere – to pubs, cafés and parks, naturally; but also to restaurants, in shops and even to special dog-friendly screenings at the cinema. And if you’ve ever had a friend cut short a meal, party or holiday to “get back to the dog”, you’re not alone.
It seems that owners, for better or worse, feel unable to leave their dogs at home. It’s no wonder that dog owners are “not always happier and healthier” than non-owners, according to a study published this week, with owners finding the experience “both a joy and a burden”.
Ellis, 33 (they/them) says while their two-year-old whippet Wesley is one of the best parts of their lives, they didn’t anticipate just how dramatically restricted their life would be.
“Wesley ends up coming to most places with us (unless he’s with a sitter). He’s come to physio with me, joined meetings in my work’s lobby (he’s not allowed in the main workspace), he collects the dry cleaning, comes clothes shopping, and – only when swaddled in his bed on a booth (he won’t deign to sit on the floor) – spends a lot of time at the pub, with us anxious to see if he kicks off.”
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Read MoreKeeping their dogs right by their side is particularly acute for people who brought their pet home during the pandemic – according to one study 82 per cent of first-time owners say they are concerned or worried about leaving their pet at home, compared to 66 per cent of all dog owners. They feel, for lack of a better term, guilty.
I completely understand feeling this way. My dog regularly makes me feel guilty both accidentally and on purpose. Dogs are, as well as loyal and funny and charming creatures, wickedly talented emotional manipulators. Just last night I was out to dinner and my wife sent me a photo of Mona flopped like a rug, staring at our front door waiting for me to come home. I left soon after, skipping dessert. But we do not take her everywhere. From the day we brought her home we wanted to ensure that she was comfortable on her own. And through incremental training, she can now patiently be alone for up to five hours. This is the suggested limit, based on dogs’ bladder needs.
Mona the dog with her owner Sadhbh (left)Surely being a dog owner has not always taken such an emotional and financial toll? People I knew who had dogs in years past would regularly leave their dogs home alone (with garden access).
Sarah, 61, says that she often leaves her current pack of six dogs alone now, and her first dog was often accompanied.
“My first dog, Spliff, was regularly on his own from 8am to 6pm during the week, after my former partner and I split up and I bought a house on my own. He had access to the garden through a dog flap and didn’t seem to mind being on his own – certainly there was never any damage to the house or complaints from the neighbours. My bed was suspiciously warm when I got home! I wouldn’t leave a puppy on their own but a calm adult dog is quite able to cope, I think.”
What’s changed? Much like the rise of gentle parenting with children, it’s in part down to an increased awareness of psychology and mental health. “In the last few years the theory that it’s cruel to leave dogs alone for more than a couple of hours seems to have become accepted as a fact, so people are scared to be accused of neglect,” says Sarah. On the RSPCA website says that eight out of 10 dogs find it hard to cope when left alone, adding that “half won’t show any obvious signs and so it can be easy for owners to miss.”
Ellis theorises that technology has made this problem worse – having access to cameras has made them hyper-aware of their dog’s moods in a way they wouldn’t have been in years before.
“I cannot imagine a day where, even if we can start to leave Wesley a little longer, that I wouldn’t be anxiously checking up on him constantly to see if he’s howling and crying.”
Modern dog training methods extol the virtue of using rewards rather than punishments, and responding based on the dogs’ cues and needs. But the fear of harming the dog can lead to excessive humanisation in creatures that benefit from clear boundaries. As a result, behavioural issues that are not inevitable are more common than ever.
Ingrid Haskal, a professional registered clinical animal behaviourist previously told The i Paper that “if you don’t teach a dog to be alone (preferably when they are puppies) they think the world is going to end when you leave.”
“Often, I really regret the softly-softly approach we’ve taken to trying to leave him alone,” says Ellis. “This involved starting with leaving him for just five seconds multiple times a day and slowly building up to 25 mins, at which point he totally regressed and we were back to square one.” Ellis says they inadvertently became ‘gentle parents’. “I wish we had just tried the let-him-cry-it-out-and-he-might-get-used-to-it approach, which can work – my brother did that with his puppy seeing the situation we’d got ourselves into, and it worked just fine.”
Separation anxiety is a real, and serious problem with dogs like Wesley. When left alone, these dogs will experience significant distress, resulting in destructive behaviour of either themselves or the space they are in. Dealing with it once the behaviour is established requires the intervention of professionals who can help the dog manage their distress. But it is not inevitable: you can teach a dog to be able to cope on their own by establishing boundaries from the beginning and getting them used to it (slowly, and at their pace).
The explosion in pet ownership in the 2020s has led to many people discovering just how much responsibility is involved in owning a dog (myself included). But people should not expect to have their dogs with them at all points – unless they are service dogs. That is presumptive and unfair to everyone else around you, and isn’t setting you or your dog up for success.
Sometimes when Mona looks up at me with her baleful, give-me-your-ham-sandwich eyes, I feel overwhelmed with the desire to do what’s best for her. But then I remember that “what’s best for her” is not always what she wants. And so I ignore it, finish my lunch, and leave her behind to go grocery shopping. As I leave she watches me through the window, curious but not upset, before waiting, curled up on our bed, knowing I will always come home.
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