Since words like "toxic" and "narcissist" are thrown around and sometimes misused on social media, Silverman says it's important to define the true meaning of self-centered parenting. "Self-centered parents are more concerned about their own feelings and needs than about their child’s emotional world," she explains. "They might lack emotional awareness, insight or have their own unresolved childhood pain that prevents them from seeing the inner world of their child."It sounds awful—and it can be. However, what's tricky is that sometimes self-centered parents don't even mean to cause harm to a child."It is usually not intentional or malicious, but their behavior can still impact their kids, leaving them feeling unseen, unheard or emotionally dismissed," she says.Related: 11 Phrases To Use if Someone Says You're 'Too Sensitive'
9 Phrases Self-Centered Parents Often Say, According to a Therapist
2. "Stop being so weak."
This remark's also-toxic cousins include "Stop being such a baby" and "Toughen up." Silverman says phrases that chastise a child for being weak "shut down emotional expression" and can make a child feel like there's something wrong with them for having natural or sensitive reactions."It’s dismissive and can prevent healthy emotional development," she explains.
4. "Yikes, you're weird."
Um, yikes? "'Weird' [is used] to shame children for being different, whether emotionally expressive, creative or neurodivergent," Silverman reports. "It typically stems from the parents’ concern with appearances or social norms rather than the child’s individuality."Related: People Who Grew up With a Narcissistic Parent Usually Develop These 15 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
6. "What a disrespectful child you are."
Silverman says this phrase is a "catch-all" when parents want to silence kids who are questioning, disagreeing or advocating for themselves."It shuts down communication and demands obedience rather than mutual understanding," she says.
8. "You're very unmotivated."
Kids may also hear their self-centered parents describe them this way to teachers, friends or other family members."It suggests a character flaw rather than considering deeper causes like burnout, lack of support or neurodivergence," Silverman warns. "Kids don’t thrive on criticism. They need structure, encouragement and understanding."
1. Seek Help
Self-centered parents can take up a ton of oxygen and real estate in your head. An objective third party, like a trained therapist, can help you work through the long-term effects of your childhood in a judgment-free setting. You can also develop tools and skills to break generational cycles."Therapy can be a healing space to unravel childhood experiences and how they may still be impacting your adult life," Silverman says. "If you're thinking about starting a family or want to heal your inner child, working with a therapist can offer insight, healing and strategies for change."
3. Stay the Course
Silverman shares that healing won't happen overnight. Patience and persistence are needed, but it's possible to move forward—and be even stronger than you were before."Keep building emotional awareness and break the cycle," Silverman says. "You can alter the narrative. Developing emotional intelligence, seeking out supportive relationships and committing to self-reflection can help you grow into the person and possibly the parent you want to be."Up Next:
Related: 8 Signs You Have Toxic In-Laws and How To Respond, According to Psychologists
Source:
Samantha Silverman, LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker), author of Silver Linings: From Surviving to Thriving After 9/11 and founder of Silver Linings Mental Health in Colorado Read More Details
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