These are the warning signs that people often miss.
2. They make jokes about your boundaries
While we're on the subject of boundaries (or lack thereof), Dr. McGeehan says it's easy to laugh off a partner who uses your boundaries as joke material. However, she warns that teasing about limits, such as a need for alone time, is a flag that your partner may not be a stand-up main squeeze. "It seems playful at first, but it’s actually a sign that they don’t take your needs seriously," she reveals. "That in and of itself erodes trust. However, it also indicates that your partner doesn’t have boundaries themselves. It’s challenging to be healthy in a relationship with someone who is not healthy and isn’t aware they have work to do."
4. They say the right things but don’t follow through
Actions speak louder than words, and a lack of follow-through says a lot."Say-do correspondence is huge in relationships," Dr. McGeehan explains. "It’s how we build trust and signals to our nervous system that we are safe... I always tell my clients to listen to behavior over words."She acknowledges that we're all human, so occasional lack of follow-through is normal. However, it's toxic when it becomes a trend, even if they have a list of excuses."The reality is that if someone wants to do something, they will do it," Dr. McGeehan points out.Related: 6 Subtle Signs of ‘Future Faking’ To Look Out for in Relationships, Psychologists Warn
6. You catch yourself downplaying your discomfort
Dr. McGeehan says you'll need to turn inward to come to terms with this one."You may say things like 'I’m probably overreacting' or 'They didn’t mean it like that,'" she shares. "When you’re constantly overriding your own instincts, you’re signaling to your nervous system that your discomfort doesn’t matter and the signals it sends aren’t real. This creates a foundation of not trusting yourself within the relationship." Related:35 Phrases To Disarm a Narcissist and Why They Do the Trick, According to Therapists
What To Do if You Notice Relationship Red Flags
2. Talk about the behavior, not the person
"I statements" are clutch here because they keep conversations productive and reduce the need for one partner to get defensive."Instead of saying 'You’re disrespectful,' try 'When you ignore what I ask for, I feel dismissed,'" Dr. McGeehan suggests.These conversations can feel loaded and nerve-wracking, though. Therefore, she says it's "game-changing" to bring an outline of what you want to say, and explains that an outline might include:
Writing out the behavior you observedThe story you told yourself about itThe emotions you feltThe request for the future (if applicable)3. Get a trusted outside perspective
Sometimes, you just can't get a read on your gut instinct."When you’re too close to the dynamic, it’s hard to see clearly," Dr. McGeehan shares. "Talk to a therapist, coach or friend who knows your history and can reflect back what’s healthy and what’s not."However, she shares it's important to go through step one (reflection) first."Even a paid professional cannot tell you what your experience is at the end of the day," she points out. "Good ones will reflect it back, but ultimately, you know your experience better than anyone else."
Related: 25 Green Flags in a Relationship That Point to a Healthy Partnership
Source:
Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist Read More Details
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