All feelings come from our thoughts. If we feel happy, we are happy. If we feel sad, we are sad. My mentor and friend Dan Zelling M.D. said, “You can change your thoughts and thereby your feelings.”
One of the building blocks for medical hypno-analysis and psychotherapy is to identify, expose and remove negative thoughts and to replace them with positive suggestions.
Sandi Squicquero is a frequent contributor to the Greeley Tribune, writing about mental health issues and more. (Credit/Sandi Squicquero)How these thoughts are introduced into our conscious or subconscious mind is not a mystery. Someone who is important to us, a parent, a caretaker or someone in authority, speaks negative words to us, instead of nurturing and affirming us.
They make negative statements to us that sound like this: “You are never going to amount to anything, you are too lazy,” or “You are not smart enough to go to college.”
If you internalize these negative messages and believe them, you probably will not amount to anything and not go to college. You will begin to believe that you are bad, unlovable and most of all unworthy.
Parent and child communication is very important to a child’s development. If you do something wrong as a child, break a favorite vase or go outside to play with your friends when you are not supposed to, your parent will probably yell, “Go to your room! You are grounded. I told you never to do that!”
If you are a naturally inquisitive child with a great deal of energy, you were probably always in trouble and were punished more than you were praised. When children are punished more than they are praised, they “act out” just to get attention, thereby frustrating parents more. Most of all, they get the message, loud and clear, that they are bad. If the bad outweighs the good, why not act badly by refusing to go to school or becoming delinquent by getting involved in criminal behavior?
Negative thinking follows us into adulthood. An example might be your job evaluation by your supervisor: “Mr. Hill, you have been here for a year, you are doing a great job; however, I notice you arrive at work 15 minutes late more than not.”
Never mind acknowledging the fact that you stay overtime 45 minutes most days. Another example might be: “We like your work, however it is not up to standard.”
Whose standard are they talking about? Our achievements are often compared with other’s achievements, instead of being recognized for what they are by themselves. No wonder we feel inadequate and unworthy at times. Negative messages!
Stress from negative thinking not only affects our lives psychologically, it also causes life-threatening illnesses such as high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease. Positive thinking versus negative thinking may change the course of a disease. Researchers continue to explore the effects of positive thinking and optimism on health. It is thought that positive and optimistic people tend to live healthier lifestyles.
“Good thoughts and actions never produce bad results, but bad thoughts and actions can never produce good results. … We understand this law in the natural world, and work with it; but few understand it in the mental and moral world.” — James Allen.
Gallup’s research into wellbeing found that “a life well-lived” requires the fulfillment of several elements: career, social, physical, community and financial wellbeing.
In changing your thoughts, you can alter your circumstances. Change comes from the inside first. Take an honest look at your life and decide what you want to change, and then go about letting it happen. Be willing to change. Welcome it and be open to change. Change takes courage.
Change your negative thoughts and replace them by repeating positive affirmations to yourself such as, “I am calm and relaxed in all situations.”
Positive thinking: Stop negative self-talk to reduce stress. Instead of giving into FEAR (false expectations appearing real) and worry, think the best is going to happen and create habits that are conducive to your goals.
Sandi Y. Squicquero M.Ed, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor who works out of the Medical Hypnosis and Counseling Center at 1180 Main St., Suite 5B, in Windsor. She has more than 30 years experience as a counselor and is board-certified in medical hypnosis.
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