Guy Ritchie directs this adventure-comedy which, somewhat cheekily, tinkers around with the premise of Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade. Stepping in for Harrison Ford’s Indy is John Krasinski as Luke Purdue, while Natalie Portman shares top billing as his sister, Charlotte.
From childhood, we’re told, the Purdue siblings were dragged around the globe by their treasure-hunter dad (in case anyone has missed the Indy parallels, we’re told his first name was… Harrison). Now an adult, Charlotte no longer wants anything to do with exploring. Going through a nasty divorce, she’s more worried about how often she’ll see her son, Thomas (Benjamin Chivers).
Luke, meanwhile, is still roaming the world in search of artefacts to steal. "Life is about the adventure," he tells his disapproving sister. And he certainly gets enough of that: we first meet him fleeing from gang members in Bangkok after nicking a valuable painting from their boss. This results in a dynamic motorbike chase through crowded streets that’s refreshingly light on CGI, jam-packed with stunts and boasting nail-biting biking.
It’s also the first of many action sequences directed with all of Ritchie’s usual flair for staging, from a punch-up on a sinking ship (the long-lost Lusitania, no less!) to a bruising hand-to-hand scrap in a Viennese library between Luke and the mysterious Esme (Eiza González), who is trying to thwart his quest.
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What quest is that, you ask? As the title says, Luke is seeking the fountain of youth on behalf of Domhnall Gleeson’s millionaire, Owen Carver, who wants a cure for his terminal cancer. This means Owen will pay anything necessary to ensure the mystical waters are found. Naturally, there are plenty of clues as to the fountain’s location, but they’re all hidden in random places, such as in letters scrawled on the back of rare paintings. As Luke follows this series of ancient puzzles – in true National Treasure or Da Vinci Code style – Charlotte and her son are eventually sucked into the search alongside him.
Krasinski is having a blast in "wisecracking action-hero" mode, but while his character has convincing physical skills and the essential twinkle in his eye, he often talks too quickly. His one-liners get no time to breathe – by the time you’ve realised you’re supposed to laugh, he’s already well into his next conversation and you’re missing what he’s saying.
The film’s insanely snappy editing becomes rather tiring, too, but at least it works for the action. After all these years directing punch-ups, Ritchie knows how to cut a fight so you always know what’s going on.
As for the plot… well, it’s utter nonsense, bearing no relation to any kind of reality or logic (the appearance of the aforementioned Lusitania springs to mind). At least the silliness is endearing; this is essentially a Scooby-Doo adventure with an Oscar-winning actress at its centre. Oh, and Stanley Tucci is criminally underused, appearing in just one single scene as a Vatican higher-up (shades of Conclave) who wants to keep the fountain protected.
The only real misfire here is the finale, which is where most of Apple’s budget appears to have been spent. This final act leaves behind the rest of the film’s admirable practical effects, morphing into a murky CG extravaganza – again, with shades of Indiana Jones, only this time the risible ending of Crystal Skull. Ouch.
Portman and Krasinski do make a likeable double act, though, and González is superb, doing a lot with an underwritten role as she chases them down. James Vanderbilt’s screenplay might be frantic but it never loses sight of the sibling relationship at its core. This is a perfect Sunday afternoon romp for the family, then: fast, fun and dumb.
The Fountain of Youth is now showing on UK cinemas.
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