54 Questions To Ask Before Marriage, According to Psychologists ...Saudi Arabia

As soon as you announce your engagement, you're inundated with (mostly well-meaning) marriage questions: "How did so-and-so propose?" "Can I see the ring?" and "Can you invite your eighth cousin twice removed so I have someone fun to sit next to? By the way, can I see your seating chart?" However, psychologists stress the importance of couples turning inward and asking critical questions of each other before saying, "I do." The hot topics include family plans, finances and chores. While these questions to ask before marriage aren't nearly as fun as "Roses or peonies?" they're crucial for life after the pomp and circumstance fade."Being able to have open and honest conversations about difficult topics builds trust in the partnership and lays the foundation of who this person is at their core," says Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor.In other words, these questions are not an interrogation but a path to a rock-solid partnership. Dr. Goldman and Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D.—a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks—share 54 questions to ask before getting married.Related: 275+ Deep Questions to Ask a Guy or Girl—Or Really Anyone You Want to Know Better

Questions About Kids To Ask Before Marriage

1. Ideally, how many children, if any, would you like to have together?2. What is your ideal timeline for having children?3. How might professional goals affect the timeline for kids?4. What financial concerns do we have about raising children? 5. What preferences do you have about the type of schooling, such as public or private?6. Is there a preference for raising the child(ren) with a particular religion? 7. What are the desired parenting roles?8. What are your thoughts and feelings about how to discipline a child? 9. If you want children eventually but not yet, what type of steps should we take to avoid an unplanned pregnancy (such as contraceptive methods)?10. Would you be willing to seek surrogacy?11. Would you be willing to opt for adoption?12. Would you be open to IVF?Questions suggested by Dr. GoldmanRelated: 8 Communication Red Flags To Work on in Your Relationship Before It’s Too Late, According to Divorce Attorneys

Questions To Ask Before Marriage About Family and Friends

13. What is your relationship with your parents and siblings like? How might this affect us? (Note: Dr. Goldman says this question goes beyond determining how to spend holidays. It also involves getting on the same page about handling times when a parent weighs in on choices impacting the marriage.)14. What are your thoughts on hanging out with friends without one of us?15. Do you prefer to only hang out with other couples?16. Are you friendly with exes?17. What privacy limits and boundaries are important for platonic relationships?18. Furry friends count too! Do you want pets, and if so, what kind?Questions suggested by Dr. GoldmanRelated: 250 Good Questions to Ask a Guy the Next Time You're Feeling Stuck

Questions About Living Arrangements To Ask Before Marriage

19. Do you want to purchase a home?20. When do you want to purchase a home?21. Do you want a starter home or one to live in for decades?22. When you want personal space, do you mean you want to be left alone?23. Are we more introverted or extroverted as a couple?24. Are you more introverted or extroverted as a person?25. Are we tidy or messy?26. Do you want to live in the city or the suburbs?27. What types of chores do you think best fit your interests?28. What do you think your strengths and weaknesses are, and what chores are you best suited for?29. What is your likely work schedule, and how does that play into chores?30. What other availability issues may affect your ability to do household chores?31. How are we making ourselves aware of gender stereotypes when delegating chores, and how do we feel about this?Questions suggested by Dr. GoldmanRelated: Break the Ice! These 260 Questions To Ask a Girl Will Help You Get the Conversation Started

Financial Questions To Ask Before Your Wedding

32. How important is saving money, and do you have a specific goal of how much money to save?33. What are your current debts, and what is your plan to lower them? 34. Are there expectations that I contribute toward lowering your debt? 35. Will we have a joint bank account or separate accounts? 36. What is your level of financial literacy? 37. How do you work to maintain a good credit score?38. How will we handle unexpected money (such as winning the lottery, inheritance or a work bonus)? 39. What is your biggest financial concern?40. What did you learn about finances from your family? 41. What are your financial goals for retirement? 42. How will we navigate unexpected financial emergencies (e.g., job loss, house fire)? 43. Will we divide bills based on income (for instance, will the person who makes more pay more)? Questions suggested by Dr. Miller.Related: 'I’m a Psychologist—Here’s the #1 Reason You Might Need Marriage Counseling'

Sex and Intimacy Questions To Ask Before Marriage

44. How frequently do you want to have sex?45. How will we navigate times when one of us does not want to have sex, especially if it has been a while since we’ve been intimate?46. What are your sexual boundaries? 47. How do you like to be shown love? 48. How can I best tell you how I like to be shown love?49. Is it okay to talk about our intimacy (such as sex life and emotional connections) with others? 50. What do you define as “cheating"?51. Are our sexual styles compatible? 52. How open are you to trying new things sexually? 53. How frequently do you want us to check in regarding our sex life? 54. How will we navigate if one of us feels attracted to another person (for couples in a closed and monogamous relationship)? Questions suggested by Dr. MillerRelated: 400 Wacky, Wild & Totally Fun Questions To Ask Anyone—Including Friends, Family & Even Strangers!

Dr. Miller suggests acknowledging that conversations need to happen and setting time for them."Ideally, difficult conversations should happen during a time when both are emotionally able to tolerate the challenging emotions that could arise from this type of conversation," she says.Related: 25 Relationship Check-In Questions for You and Your Partner

2. Agree to Time-Outs

They may be out of vogue in the parenting world, but time-outs can help you salvage your relationship. Dr. Miller suggests calling a TO when emotions escalate to the point that communication is breaking down."The couple will use this time-out, which may last 20 to 30 minutes, to de-escalate in separate spaces before checking in with each other to determine if the conversation can continue in a productive manner," she shares.

3. Listen

Dr. Miller suggests engaging in active listening when your partner is talking. She explains that active listening means listening to hear the person's point of view rather than thinking of what you'll say next and looking for the right moment to say it.She also says that while it's difficult and requires practice, honing active listening skills can help you and your partner make progress on differences."By understanding our partner’s viewpoint, we can join them in working on the actual problem rather than working against them," she adds.Up Next:

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