Sooo, didja hear I’ll probably be taking off early? Friday, maybe around 10? Or might be even earlier because we’ve got a long drive down to Drixel.
It’s not too far from Bakersfield if you know where that is. Kinda south. It’s where my uncle lives and I haven’t seen him in a pretty long time so we thought we’d go down there. Should be fun. My uncle Puckie is a really funny guy, but I don’t think he’s really my uncle, more like an old friend of my dad’s from when they were in the army or something, but we’ve always called him our uncle.
I actually have a real uncle, guy named Ed, my mother’s brother I guess, or maybe he’s a half brother because I think her parents got divorced at some point and he’s maybe not related. I mean I think he is, but even if he isn’t we still call him Uncle Ed. But we’re not visiting him, we’re going to Uncle Puckie’s. Uncle Ed lives in Cleveland now but he might’ve moved. I’ll ask when I’m down there.
Uncle Puckie, he’s a really neat guy. You’d like him. Always clowning around, acting like a goof but he’s pretty smart. And like I said we’ll be needing to get out early. He doesn’t actually live in Drixel, but that’s the closest town. You know where Drixel is?
Well, if you’re heading down 251 you actually go past Drixel unless you take the off-ramp, but if you just keep going straight in about a half mile it curves to the right a little and there’s this big barn-like thing? On the left? It’s red and I think it’s galvanized steel, but maybe it’s aluminum. I’ll ask Uncle Puckie; he’ll know. Anyway it’s red and it’s on the left side.
But if you go straight it curves and the road goes back down to two lanes. Not in the curve, but after it straightens out, and there’s a a street up a little ways ahead, maybe a quarter mile, and you make a left on to it. It’s got a sign that says Phlegm Street, which people down there pronounce “Flem” even though with the letter P you’d think it was “Puh-leg-um.” But they say Flem so we do too. When in Rome, you know? I always say that but I never did know what it’s supposed to mean. When who’s in Rome?
Anywhoo, there used to be a stoplight there but they took it out maybe three years ago. It wasn’t really a real stop light just one of those lights that blinks. You know the kind of lights that just blink?
So if you turn there his house is the first one on the right, maybe a few hundred feet down. It’s set pretty far off the road so it’s not easy to find. I’ve even driven past it a few times. There’s a mailbox but I still miss it, (laughs)
Anyway, if we don’t have to stop too much we should be getting there around six o’clock. I hope. They like to eat early. Uncle Puckie does these barbecue things like chicken and ribs, stuff like that, and what he does is puts them in barbecue sauce the night before. Ever hear of that? Anyway, it makes everything he grilles really good. I’ll bring you back some chicken wings.
No, no he won’t mind. He likes showing off his barbecue stuff, especially the ribs. And some cornbread too. Aunt Dodie makes the best cornbread ever.
And I’ll try to remember some of his jokes. Squirrel goes into a bar with a rabbit. No, wait. A crow and a rabbi go into a bar, and somebody tell him to take his hat off and he winds up getting blamed for the Titanic sinking. Something like that. It’s really funny the way he tells it. I’ll try to remember some other jokes for when I get back. You’ll crack up.
Then after dinner we play croquet until it gets dark. You won’t believe this but I almost always win. No really! Uncle Puckie says he thinks I must cheat and practice at home a lot, but I don’t even have a croquet set! Just lucky is all, I guess.
And then we go in and Aunt Dodie makes popcorn and we watch an old Hallmark Christmas movie. Everybody on the couch, even Barley the dog. Oh, no, Barley died a couple years ago. Their new dog is Wahoo. Barley died from something but I don’t remember what. Maybe he got put down. He was a really good dog. I’ve got some pictures here.
Hold on, right here. Oops. These are of my grandmother’s birthday, which was nice. She’s cutting the cake in this one. And that’s Uncle Puckie in the striped tie.
Oh here it is. This is Barley when he was a pup. I think they put him down last year or maybe the year before. I’ll ask Aunt Dodie. But Granma is still doing good. She’s 88. Or maybe 89. Not sure. I think she’s older than her sister, who’s got the same birthday I do. Funny huh?
Oh wait. Here’s pictures of Barley at my high school graduation. Or it might have been the prom. Anyway, that’s him and but my wife took the picture so she’s not in it. I’ve got some pictures of her though. Gimme a minute.
This is her at Disneyland. We went there three years ago. No, four. Because three years ago she had knee surgery so it had to have been four. I took pictures of her knee before and after the surgery. Just a sec. I think they’re…oops.
TWK says next week’s column will provide details of the trip to Drixel with illustrations and a few jokes thrown in. Tom Hine will be taking the day off.
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