Loneliness is a major concern right now for people of all genders and ages. According to the CDC, about one in three people feel lonely, and loneliness can increase health risks, such as heart disease, diabetes, depression and dementia. And within this discussion, one group we need to pay more attention to is aging women. “I’ve worked with many women in their 40s, 50s and beyond who find themselves feeling lonelier than they expected,” says Dr. Ehab Youssef, a licensed psychologist who specializes in transformative therapy. “Loneliness in aging isn’t just about being alone—it’s about being disconnected.”Maybe you’ve noticed your grandma seems down more often, or you worry your mom doesn’t see her friends enough. Maybe you're yearning for connection yourself. These are just a couple of examples. Whatever the situation looks like, it’s important to know the subtle traits of women who become lonelier as they age, what to look for and how you can help. Related: This Is the Exact Age When We Tend to Feel the Most Lonely—and What to Do About It
First, it may help to address what’s going on behind the scenes. Psychologists explain a couple of potential reasons.
Aging can be a lonely experience for a multitude of reasons, some more in our control than others.“Women may become lonelier as they age due to various factors, including life transitions (divorce, widowhood or children leaving the home) and caregiving roles which may cause them to neglect friendships and social relationships,” saysDr. Crystal Saidi, a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks in Irvine, California who specializes in relationships, coping skills, life transitions and self-esteem.
Dr. Malasri Chaudhery-Malgeri, Ph.D., a psychologist and the Chief Clinical Officer at Recovery.com, shares similar reasons why aging women can start to feel more lonely as they age. “Children move out, spouses may pass away and retirement can cut off daily social interactions,” she says. “The shrinking of the social world is a profound shift that often leads to an increase in loneliness.”Women are having to navigate a “new normal” with these role changes.“One client in her late 50s told me, ‘I’ve spent so much time being ‘Mom’ that I didn’t realize I hadn’t nurtured my friendships,” Dr. Youssef shares.
Their social circles are shifting
On the note of Dr. Youssef’s client, adult friendships generally look different. They can be harder to create and maintain. “As women age, friends relocate, life circumstances change and socializing takes more effort,” Dr. Youssef says. “Many of my clients say they don’t want to ‘bother’ people, leading to self-imposed isolation.”And just to note: You aren’t a bother to your friends.Related: People Who Felt Lonely as Children Usually Develop These 13 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
6 Subtle Traits of Loneliness in Aging Women
The way many of us picture loneliness is not the only way it looks.“Loneliness doesn’t always look like someone sitting alone crying,” Dr. Youssef says. “More often, I see it in small shifts in behavior.”Dr. Chaudhery-Malgeri agrees, explaining, “Loneliness often whispers before it screams."Ahead, three psychologists share six subtle signs of loneliness in aging women.
As Dr. Youssef mentioned, women sometimes self-isolate as they age and when they feel more lonely.“They start saying, ‘no,’ to social gatherings they once enjoyed, telling themselves they're ‘too tired’ or ‘too busy,’” he says. “In reality, they might feel anxious about reconnecting or fear rejection.”
2. Focusing more on "busy work"
Rather than say “yes” to those invitations, Dr. Youssef says lonely women may engage in “busy work” and to-do items, such as household chores, endless Netflix scrolling or “one more project.” While these tasks are sometimes needed, they can also distract from deeper connections.
Another way busy women fill their time or their hearts is by thinking of “the good ol’ days.” They talk and think about past relationships and experiences rather than making new memories. “I’ve heard women say, ‘I miss how things used to be,’ but when I ask what they're doing to rebuild connections, they pause,” Dr. Youssef says.
4. Neglecting self-care routines that used to be enjoyable
Maybe you used to do your hair and makeup every morning, but now you don’t feel up to it or see the point. Maybe you used to love getting a manicure at the salon every couple of weeks, but you don’t do it anymore. “[Loneliness] appears in the neglect of self-care routines that used to bring her joy,” Dr. Chaudhery-Malgari says. “These subtle changes are often the silent alarms, calling out to those attuned enough to hear them.”
Don’t get us wrong—interacting with people online can be a great way to dip your toes into becoming more social. Plus, it’s a more accessible awy to do so, especially if you have physical difficulties or social anxiety. At the same time, “too much” online time can be a yellow or red flag. “Excessive use of social media may be a result of loneliness, leading some women to replace real-life interactions with online ones,” Dr. Saidi says.
6. Becoming overly self-sufficient
Self-sufficiency is great—and it’s no stranger to many women—but being able to ask for and accept help is important for well-being too. It keeps us connected. “If they are feeling lonely, they may avoid asking for help or support, further reinforcing the isolation and loneliness,” Dr. Saidi says.Related: 11 Phrases That Signal a Person's Lonely, According to Psychologists
Reading (and identifying) with those signs may feel like adding insult to injury. If it makes you feel any better, loneliness isn’t forever, and it doesn’t mean you’re actually alone.These psychologists have some suggestions on how to handle your feelings of loneliness.
Seeing yourself as lonely, and loneliness as shameful, can make you feel ashamed, causing you to isolate yourself further. Instead, Dr. Saidi encourages reframing those original thoughts.“Rather than seeing it as a failure, try to view it as a sign that connection is needed and possible,” she says.
Shift your self-talk
On that note, the way you talk to yourself matters. Keep it kind and truthful. “If you catch yourself thinking, ‘No one wants to hear from me,’ reframe it: ‘People appreciate connection, and I'm worthy of meaningful relationships,’” Dr. Youssef encourages.
Keep plans simple and lowkey. Start by asking one person to hang out one night. “Building connection is a muscle—it strengthens with use,” Dr. Youssef says.
Engage in a new space
Love to read? Join a book club. Curious about pickleball? Look for recreational pickup games at your local gym or community center. Rather than engaging in your hobbies alone, do them with others—you’ve already got some easy conversation starters by having that activity in common.
Establish a daily routine
Getting into a daily rhythm can make it much easier to connect with people regularly. Dr. Chaudhery-Malgari encourages you to find ways to nourish your spirit and stimulate your mind, and put those activities into your schedule.That could be walking at the park every morning, playing cards with your friends every Saturday or signing up for volunteer activities at your place of worship. Those are only a few of many examples. “Remember, taking that first step toward any of these enriching experiences can help reawaken old passions and forge new friendships,” she says. “Embrace the diversity of opportunities around you and find joy in every interaction.”Related: What To Do When You Feel Lonely—These Expert-Recommended Tips Might Just Help You Feel Better
How To Support Women Displaying Those Behaviors
If you notice these signs in a loved one, here are some beneficial steps you can take, according to these psychologists.
Extend intentional, specific, personal invitations, like “Let’s grab coffee next Thursday.”Don’t dismiss feelings of loneliness; rather, co-brainstorm ways to reconnect. Suggest small, comfortable activities to do together, like a casual walk or phone call.Gently encourage her toward community engagement and connection, helping her rediscover her passions and connections.Interact with her regularly. Even a simple “How are you?” or “Thinking of you” can be meaningful.Normalize asking for help and support, reminding her that it doesn’t make her a burden.Whoever you are in this situation or a future one, remember these words from Dr. Youssef: “You’re not alone and you’re not stuck.”Up Next:
Related: 6 Behaviors That Signal a Person's Lonely, According to Psychologists
Sources
Dr. Ehab Youssef is a licensed psychologist who specializes in transformative therapy.Dr. Crystal Saidi is a licensed psychologist who specializes in relationships, coping skills, life transitions and self-esteem.Dr. Malasri Chaudhery-Malgeri, Ph.D., is a psychologist and the Chief Clinical Officer of Recovery.com. Read More Details
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