I already know who will win Celebrity Traitors ...Middle East

As the BBC unveils the line-up for Celebrity Traitors, the big twist is that the producers have rounded up some genuine celebs. Alan Carr, Paloma Faith, Jonathan Ross, Stephen Fry… forget the traditional I’m A Celeb/Big Brother grab-bag of faded athletes and Hollyoaks bit-players – this is a crew as sharp and glittering as Claudia Winkleman’s fringe.

But as the series whips off its cloak and reveals the stars of the first-ever celebrity edition, the big question is: who will win? Can Stephen Fry bon mot his way to the final? Will Paloma Faith hit the necessary high notes when it comes to unmasking low-down skulduggery at the round table? How soon before Jonathan Ross reminds us that he’s the most annoying person on television and possibly the planet? Hang on to your capes as we assess the contenders.

Stephen Fry

The professional clever clogs, former QI host and high IQ gadabout is a huge Traitors fan and will have presumably paid close attention to the previous seasons. He is a bit of a national treasure, so the other contestants might well struggle to see him in a negative light – he is, after all, the nation’s cuddliest public intellectual. Will that big softy image help if he is required to don a traitor’s cloak? Let’s wait and see.

Alan Carr

As host of Interior Design Masters, Carr will be perfectly at home in the gothic luxury of the Traitors castle. His experience of working alongside steely design icon Michelle Ogundehin will meanwhile stand him in good stead during tense moments with Claudia Winkleman. But will cloak and dagger fibbing come naturally to the voluble comedian? He may surprise us.

Nick Mohammed 

The actor is best known for Ted Lasso – a feel-good sitcom where everybody has the best possible intentions and rarely has a bad word to say about anyone. Is that the best preparation for the bacchanalia of backstabbing into which Traitors inevitably descends? I’m not sure. Still, his Mr Swallow character suggests hidden depths and a quick mind, talents that could prove vital as the air turns thick with treachery.

Joe Marler

The Six Nations-winning England rugby player will have lots of experience rolling around in the mud – ideal preparation for the nightly ruck at the round table. All top athletes know how to hold their nerves – though international rugby is obviously nowhere near as stressful as feeling Claudia Winkleman tap you on the shoulder and confirm you as a traitor. He could do well – or he could fold like the England scrum against New Zealand.

Charlotte Church 

You don’t survive in music without a tough streak – so even the toughest Traitors challenge should prove a caper through the highland heather. On the other hand Church is a straight talker – will that work in a setting where a forked tongue is vital?

Cat Burns

A three-time Brit Award nominee, the London indie pop singer has named Ed Sheeran one of her biggest influences. With that in mind, several weeks in the company of a bunch of whiny men with terrible dress sense should be a doddle. Every series of the Traitors throws up a surprise contender. With that in mind, Burns might be one to watch.

Kate Garraway 

Garraway is a reality TV veteran who has endured hunger, bugs and Ant and Dec one-liners on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! Stepping into the Winkle-verse will be an altogether different experience – but her experience hosting Good Morning Britain leaves her perfectly prepared for keeping a straight face as random famous types spout 50 shades of nonsense. Expect her to grin and bear it – and potentially make it to the later stages of the contest.

David Olusoga

Along with Fry, the historian and podcaster will be the major big brain in the highlands bastion. But will his expansive knowledge of history and hidden cultural forces be much use when Claudia Winkleman asks him to do something complicated with a crossbow during the challenge segment of the series? He comes across as ruminative and polite – if that’s all there is to him, it could be a short stint in the Highlands.

Niko Omilana

The YouTube prankster was presumably recruited to appeal to the kids’ demographic. That said, he ran as an independent in the last general election: his political experience will presumably stand to him when the gloves come off and the accusations and lies start flying around. He might surprise us. What a grand prank it would be for him to win.

Celia Imrie

At 72, the veteran actor who’s appeared in Bridget Jones’ Diary and Calendar Girls is one of the older contestants, but that is no weakness – 70–year–old retired opera singer Linda bulldozed her way to the later stages of the most recent season. Obviously, seniority is no barrier when it comes to making a splash at Ardross Castle. Keep an eye on Imrie.

Tom Daley 

The Olympic springboard diver is finally taking a dip in reality TV after reportedly turning down offers from I’m A Celebrity… and Strictly Come Dancing. The mental discipline required of an Olympic athlete will presumably be of use when it all kicks off under the withering gaze of Countess Claudia. On the other hand, sport and reality TV are very different. The high-diver might flop, when it comes to it.

Tameka Empson 

One of the few soap stars in the line-up, media reports say that the EastEnders actor is hopeful that their thespian talent will aid her in the Traitors’ complicated game of deceit. If not, she could find herself out on her ear quicker than they can shout last orders at the Queen Vic.

Ruth Codd

The Wexford actor is part of a long tradition of Irish celebs appearing on British reality TV – though given that her predecessors include Maura Higgins on Love Island (popular) and Louis Walsh on Celebrity Big Brother (less so), it is fair to say that her compatriots have had a mixed track record.

Mark Bonnar 

The Scottish actor has appeared in Shetland and Guilt, but is best known for Line of Duty, where his character was ultimately revealed to be a double agent working for the bad guys. With qualifications like that, no wonder he jumped at Traitors. He has to be in with a shot.

Jonathan Ross

Every celebrity reality show has that one C-lister who is forever bantering on and quickly drives the other participants to distraction. Does Ross tick all those boxes? The answer is obviously “yes”, though it will be interesting to see how long his chipperness stays intact as the series’ trademark paranoia descends. There is no way knowing how long he stays – but some viewers will hope for ran early exit.

Joe Wilkinson 

Comedian Wilkinson is a veteran of the panel TV circuit, while his friend Paul Gorton was a traitor on the second series of the show. If they have time for a natter, he can go into the castle forewarned and steeled for the struggles ahead – which has to give him a fighting chance. Either way, it has to be easier than pretending to find Jimmy Carr funny – all part of an evening’s work during his stints on 8 Out of 10 Cats.

Clare Balding 

As with Olympian Tom Daley, sports presenter Balding has reportedly said “thanks but no thanks” to all previous celebrity TV offerings. Once described as a “brisk, jolly-hockey-sticks type,” it remains to be seen if her upbeat personality will endure when those castle walls start to close in. Like England at penalties in the bad old days, she might wilt under the pressure.

Lucy Beaumont

One of several comedians on Celebrity Traitors, Beaumont worked as a teaching assistant in her pre-standup days. Hopefully, these experiences will help her retain her sanity when the round table descends into predictable unruliness and childish name-calling. That might be enough to get her to the later stages.

Paloma Faith

square THE TRAITORS

Face-to-face murder and no prize-pot chat: How to fix The Traitors

Working in the cutthroat entertainment industry for nearly 20 years sounds like perfect preparation for the high-stakes psychological warfare that is Traitors. Though, as a singer of super-emotive hits, perhaps she will be too in touch with her creative side to shut down her conscience and lie to all and sundry.

Who will win?

Until the action gets under way it’s hard to know, obviously. That said, Stephen Fry has a beguiling manner and, like many smarty pants types, speaks from a position of complete confidence. My money is on him making it into the later stages – and the bookies agree.

They’ve already installed Fry as favourite, with rugby international Joe Marler ranked an outsider. But reality TV seldom goes as expected – unless it’s Mickey Rourke being ghastly on Celebrity Big Brother – so let’s wait until Winkleman gives her first fateful taps on the shoulder and selects her inaugural traitors before rushing to judgement.

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