Asking Eric: While trying to be an influencer, a friend crosses the line ...0

Dear Eric:

A lady I know does shopping for Instacart, and occasionally she will post on Facebook photos of homes she has delivered to, adding comments like “look at this cool home I delivered groceries to today!” Isn’t that a huge breach of privacy? Or as an influencer, she will post videos of herself walking around a restaurant or store, including shots of customers who are standing in line, or eating a meal or shopping. Again, isn’t this a breach of privacy? She just scans the whole area as she makes the video. Can people just really go around posting photos and videos without permission from the homeowners or the people who are dining or shopping? Thanks for your thoughts.

– Photo Intrusion

Dear Photo:

This is, for better or for worse, one of the facts of modern life. If you’re in public, you might end up in the background of someone else’s photo. And if someone is on public property, they might take a photo of your home. If your friend is standing on private property while taking the home photos, however, she opens herself up to other issues.

But just because she can do it, doesn’t mean she should, especially if she’s working. Many delivery drivers are required to take a photo of their packages on the doorstep to prove that they made the dropoff. So, that’s to be expected. But few homeowners expect that their food delivery comes with a side of architectural commentary.

Anyway, I don’t think there’s anything you can do about this, except perhaps unfollow her on Facebook.

Dear Eric:

I’m writing in response to Emotionally Exhausted, whose energy has been pulled in many directions leaving her drained. I was in a similar state of exhaustion until a friend suggested it could be a hormonal imbalance. It so happens that people with ovaries may go through perimenopause up to 10 years before menopause. Mental health decline and exhaustion are two out of the many possible symptoms that come with it (there are around 70!). Life stressors are still there, but after starting hormone replacement therapy I have a much clearer mind and higher energy levels to be able to deal with stress. It might be worth checking hormone levels, tracking symptoms and shop around for a doctor who specializes in perimenopause and menopause care.

– Feeling Better

Dear Feeling Better:

Thanks for sharing your experience. A number of readers wrote in to reflect on this letter and share their experience with perimenopause. This isn’t medical advice and shouldn’t be taken as such, but it’s worth it for the letter writer to ask her doctor about perimenopause and get a referral for a medical professional who can recognize the symptoms and treat her appropriately, if need be.

Dear Eric:

This is a comment to “Emotionally Exhausted” who feels everyone around her needs her help while she’s struggling to stay afloat. I felt the same way during my 40s. My work, my family, my dog, even the church I belonged to needed me. After I came down with cancer and had to drop everything, I realized that the world could manage fine without me. Then, I learned to prioritize myself. Remember, you have to buckle yourself up before you buckle up your children while flying through turbulence.

– Priorities

Dear Priorities:

That’s exactly it. We can run ourselves ragged trying to be there for everyone else. And it sometimes feels selfish to stop and take a second to regroup. But it’s essential. One thing that I’ve found helpful in these situations is making sure to communicate where we are and what we need. To use your metaphor, that means saying “I can and will buckle your seatbelt, but I also need to secure myself. And that’s a challenge for me right now. Can you give me a second or even help me so that we both get through this safely?”

Dear Eric:

A recent question in your column, about a college student who was struggling to make friends (“Fractured Friendship”) reminded me of some great advice I got as an older teen. If you are not connecting with others either in friendships or relationships, write down the qualities you hope to find in a friend/mate. Then work on demonstrating those qualities in your own life. People who share those attributes will be attracted to you. I have to say it worked for me.

– Loving Myself and Others

Dear Loving:

What great advice. And how lucky you were to receive it as a teen. We can’t control how others engage with us, but by putting out what we hope to attract we learn more about what our needs are, become clearer about communicating them and get better at pursuing relationships that meet those needs.

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(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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