Crufts is only worth watching for the dogs that go rogue ...Middle East

We don’t see enough of Clare Balding these days. There was a time when she was ubiquity itself on our television screens, presenting everything from the Lord Mayor’s Show to Wimbledon, from Countryfile to rugby league, but dear Clare, it seems to me, has been somewhat edged out of public view.

She hasn’t lost her status as national treasure, of course, so it is with particular pleasure that we welcome her back on the sofa, all well-groomed, companionable and alert, for her annual stint as the face of the Crufts dog show.

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Balding has presented Crufts on Channel 4 since 2013, and no one since Charles Cruft himself in 1891 has done more to popularise what is essentially a rather arcane and anachronistic endeavour – the judging of dogs based essentially on their looks.

And she returns to Birmingham’s NEC Arena over this weekend, prepared to share her sofa with all manner of peculiar types, human and canine, opening up the mysteries of a contest which whittles down a field of around 28,000 to end up with a single, supreme specimen, crowned Best in Show on Sunday evening.

Balding perfectly embodies the passions and predilections of our nation of dog-lovers. But even those of us who are, like her, mad about dogs can see that Crufts is a throwback to another age, like Miss World or Cutest Kid contests.

And when, on the eve of this year’s show, the Kennel Club, who organises Crufts, talks about “diversity”, you can see that they are struggling to fit in with the mores of the modern age.

And what is the diversity of which they speak? It refers to the rise in “dreadlocked” dogs this year. The Hungarian Puli and the Komondor are among the breeds whose entry numbers have grown the most year-on-year.

Distinguished by their rope-like coats, both breeds originate from Hungary and were bred to herd sheep. A spokesperson for the Kennel Club said: “These ‘top risers’ are a real reflection of diversity, with many of the breeds originating from around the globe and generally being less well-known.”

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I’ve reached peak Crufts – dogs should not be judged on looks alone

So there you have it. Diversity in the dog world is a Hungarian breed that looks like a kitchen mop on legs. You will see very few concessions to contemporary thinking over the next few days in Birmingham: dogs are judged, as they always have been, on conformation (shape and structure), temperament and breed-specific characteristics.

So if we were to enter Leonard, our standard, long-haired dachshund (one of six types of dachshunds in the hound group), we’d have to be sure that he was in line with the ordained specifications of his breed.

This is what the Kennel Club requires of his appearance: “Moderately long in proportion to height, with no exaggeration. Compact, well-muscled body, with enough ground clearance, not less than one quarter of the height at the withers, to allow free movement. Height at the withers should be half the length of the body, measured from breastbone to the rear of thigh. Bold, defiant carriage of head and intelligent expression.”

And that’s before they worry about his head (“appearing conical”), his eyes (“set obliquely”), and his neck (“running in graceful lines into shoulders”). Blimey. Unless you’ve got a canine supermodel, you might as well not bother. But I was interested in the fact that a dog’s temperament is also one of the measures of its prize-winning suitability.

How can they tell what a particular dog is really like outside the show arena? Only one way. When it gets down to the final judgement, owners should have to answer a series of more informal questions about their dog (I admit I’m thinking of Lenny here). Does he snore? Does he chase his tail? What’s the most ridiculous thing he’s eaten? What’s his favourite TV show? Does he have good jokes? Does he look at you in that adoring way that your partner once did? That sort of thing.

It could be the new highlight of Crufts. Who wouldn’t want to hear what the owners sound like? And guess who’d be the perfect person to undertake the interviews with knowledge, empathy and understanding. Of course: none other than Clare Balding.

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