7 Behaviors Emotional Anchors Usually Display, Psychologists Say ...Saudi Arabia

Learning to stay grounded as one human is a worthwhile and challenging pursuit—especially with everything life throws your way. However, some people manage to not only stay grounded themselves (usually) but keep their loved ones anchored too. They're what's known as the "emotional anchors" of their families. Think of them like the central nervous system and co-emotional regulators."Anchors are used to hold an object in place, like a boat," says Dr. Kayla Nelson, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist specializing in working with families. "So, when we think about an emotional anchor within the family, that would be a person who helps hold an individual or the family in an emotional state that is manageable."Dr. Nelson says people often describe emotional turmoil as "being all over the place.""Therefore, it makes sense people would begin to look for 'emotional anchors' in moments of instability," Dr. Nelson says. "Family members who are emotional anchors to their family provide stability and grounding to the family unit, particularly during times of conflict or unrest."Understanding the behaviors common in emotional anchors can feel validating and ensure you have the tools to ensure your oxygen mask stays on tight. To help, psychologists shared common characteristics of emotional anchors in families and how to manage the load.Related: People Who Never Felt Validated as Kids Often Develop These 11 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

Emotional anchors in families appear cool as cucumbers, even if the heat is on high."If you are the emotional anchor in your family, you tend to be someone that does not get easily overwhelmed or emotionally flooded," Dr. Nelson says. "You are able to keep your cool and have likely developed some great grounding skills, like taking a deep breath or reminding yourself you can handle emotional distress."

Emotional anchors are pros at listening without judgment, explains Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "They reflect back understanding and validation, which helps others feel heard and supported," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. Dr. Lira de la Rosa says emotional anchors create a safe space for people to share their feelings, and Dr. Nelson has also seen and heard this."I hear a lot from fellow therapists—often emotional anchors in their families—that people have always just found a way of opening up to them," Dr. Nelson says. "You know how to listen to others without immediately jumping into problem-solving mode. This is an amazing skill and often emotional anchors are just 'born with it.'"

Conflict is a part of life, but Dr. Nelson says that emotional anchors know how to navigate sticky moments gracefully."You have the ability to express yourself in words and specifically express your emotions in words," Dr. Nelson says. "This is something many people really struggle to do. You also have a way of getting your perspective across that others can connect with without getting defensive. You likely don’t use a lot of accusatory language and don’t jump to conclusions quickly."Related: 8 Habits To Start With Your Adult Kids That Will Transform Your Relationship, According to Psychologists

4. An ability to see and empathize with multiple perspectives

For emotional anchors, the conflict-resolution prowess extends beyond solving conflicts in which they are involved. In fact, emotional anchors are often called in as mediators and objective third parties."You know that there are multiple perspectives that may need to be considered and there are multiple ways to handle a problem," Dr. Nelson says. "You allow your family members to share how they would like to resolve the issues, and you actually take them seriously before providing your own suggestions."

Helping others is important work, but it isn't without pitfalls."Emotional anchors frequently suppress their emotions to prioritize others, ensuring those around them meet their needs, even if it comes at a personal cost," says Dr. Carolina Estevez, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist at Crestone Wellness.Dr. Lira de la Rosa also raised this flag."Emotional anchors may downplay their struggles or emotions to avoid burdening others," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "This is often rooted in their belief that their role is to support, not to seek support."

6. Anticipating needs 

Ever been called a mind reader or complimented for your intuitiveness? You might be an emotional anchor."Emotional anchors are highly attuned to the emotions of others and often go out of their way to address potential issues before they escalate," Dr. Estevez says.

Dr. Lira de la Rosa says emotional anchors are their family members' biggest fans."They frequently motivate and encourage family members to reach their potential," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "They see themselves as a source of inspiration and strength for others."Related: 16 Common Phrases Unhappy People Often Use Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say

3 Tips for Emotional Anchors

1. Find your own anchor

From (free) mediation services to mind-reading, emotional anchors carry a heavy load for others. It's impossible to remain emotionally well without support."If you are the emotional anchor in your family, I encourage you to find your own emotional anchor," Dr. Nelson says. "This can be a friend, relative or maybe a therapist. When you tend to be the one anchoring the family, your emotional needs can go unmet. Having someone for you to turn to for support is crucial."

Boundaries are vital for emotional anchors."Recognizing that you do not always have to be available is important," Dr. Estevez says. "For example, deciding not to respond to calls during personal downtime can give you the space to recharge."

self-care

Dr. Lira de la Rosa encourages emotional anchors to ensure they are putting themselves on their priority lists."Make time for activities that recharge you, whether it’s exercise, journaling or spending time with friends," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says.Dr. Estevez agrees."Carving out moments for yourself ensures you have the energy and emotional bandwidth to support others," Dr. Estevez says.

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Related: 13 Things To Never Do After a Fight With Your Partner, According to a Therapist

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