By Liz Dorsey, executive director, Ukiah Senior Center
The one thing every single person on the planet has in common is that we are all aging. As we get older, many of us will experience physical and emotional challenges, one of which is living with dementia, which impairs a person’s ability to remember, think clearly, or make daily decisions.
Dementia, which includes Alzheimer’s disease, impacts about one in nine people ages 65 and older, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. As life expectancies increase, this number will rise until most of us know someone impacted by memory loss.
It’s essential that those experiencing memory loss feel safe, supported, and understood. It’s equally important for caregivers to prioritize their own well-being and stay connected to the activities they enjoy.
What memory loss changes — and what it doesn’t
It is difficult when those we love begin to change. If your mom has always been an amazing cook and businesswoman, it might be hard to accept that she now needs supervision in the kitchen and requires help with personal hygiene. If your spouse was known for his amazing sense of direction and love of travel, it can be painful to acknowledge that he sometimes gets disoriented in the neighborhood you’ve lived in for 30 years.
Memory loss is hard on everyone. But even as a person’s behavior changes, it is important to remember that the core of who they have always been is still there. Those suffering from memory loss often feel afraid and confused. Maintaining relationships by spending time together and initiating conversations can provide comfort even as things change. Whether our loved ones are experiencing memory loss or not, they hold vast knowledge and wisdom that they can no longer share once they pass away.
Having good conversations
When caring for those with memory loss, you can help them stay engaged by asking open-ended questions about their life experiences. Focus on topics that are familiar to them and allow them to reflect on positive experiences, such as:
Did you have a childhood pet? What was your first job like? Can you tell me about your first car? Tell me about a special family vacation you enjoyed.They might not always remember the answers, but with every conversation you can share meaningful moments of connection, helping your loved one stay as engaged as they can for as long as they can.
Your emotions set the tone
As diseases like dementia progress, they affect people’s ability to behave and communicate as they once did, which they often find upsetting. Feelings are more important than facts in these moments. Caregivers can help by remaining calm and upbeat. Avoid arguing, correcting, or logically reasoning with your loved one, even when the information they are sharing differs from the truth. Acknowledge the emotions behind what they are saying, then redirect the conversation to something they tend to enjoy discussing.
Give caregivers a break
If you provide care for someone whose health is declining, your time with them is likely meaningful but also exhausting. Burnout impacts more than 60% of caregivers, who commonly feel tired – physically, mentally, and emotionally – and experience anxiety and depression. It is vital that caregivers get breaks to take care of their own physical and mental health.
If you are a caregiver, ask a friend or family member to step in regularly so you can rest or do something you enjoy. Caregivers can seek support from mental health therapists or by joining caregiver support groups that meet in person or online.
Programs for seniors experiencing memory loss, like Lunch Bunch at the Ukiah Senior Center, provide valuable connections for participants while giving caregivers needed breaks. Our Lunch Bunch program meets from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. four days a week. Participants enjoy live music, engage in light physical activity like tossing a ball, play games like bingo, join in guided discussion about common topics like the weather, and have the opportunity to respond to prompts for fun discussions. Attendees eat lunch together and receive support with feeding and using the restroom if needed. Transportation is also available.
Not only are these kinds of breaks necessary for caregivers’ well-being, but the opportunity for seniors to interact with others, have fun together, and share their stories is invaluable.
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