It's that time of year again—the time to air our grievances. Confused? Don't be—we've got 75 of the best Festivus quotes to clue you in.What is "Festivus," you may ask? First and foremost, Festivus is a fictional holiday made popular by the show Seinfeld. However, as time has gone on and traditions have caught on, Festivus is now just as much a part of the holiday season as snowmen and jingle bells! It may be on the opposite side of the holiday spirit for some people, as it is the "Festivus for the rest of us," meaning it rejects the commercialism and pressures of traditional holiday events, and instead opts for an undecorated pole as opposed to a Christmas tree and embraces the grudges of the season. If you're a fan of Frank Costanza, the funny show in general, or simply curious what all the Festivus is about, keep reading to discover the 75 best Festivus quotes that capture the endearingly weird essence of the fake holiday.
Festivus takes place on December 23 each year. In 2024, the funny holiday lands on Monday, December 23.
75 Festivus Quotes
1. “Welcome, newcomers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances.” — Frank Costanza2. “Why waste money on decorations when you can just have a pole?” — Frank Costanza3. “At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.” — Frank Costanza4. “Happy Festivus.” — Jerry Seinfeld
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5. “I got the pole out of the crawl space!” — Frank Costanza6. “It’s made from aluminum. Very high strength-to-weight ratio.” — Frank Costanza7. “What is that? Is that the Festivus pole? George, Festivus is your heritage.” — Frank Costanza8. “Why don’t you sit down? You’ve been annoying me for 30 years!” — Estelle Costanza9. “No, instead there’s a pole. Requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.” — Frank Costanza10. “No gifts required on Festivus. Just give me a break from the holiday shopping madness.” — George CostanzaRelated: 120 'Happy Holidays' Wishes To Use Throughout Christmas and New Year's11. “Let’s skip the airing of grievances this year and go straight to the feats of strength. I’ve been working out.” — Frank Costanza12. “Have you seen the pole, Kooger?” — Frank Costanza13. “All right, George, it’s time for the feats of strength!” — Frank Costanza
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14. “I’ve prepared a list of grievances, and trust me, it’s long.” — Frank Costanza15. "A donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund. What is that?" — Jerry Seinfeld 16. “The Human Fund. Money for people.” — George Costanza17. “The pole is what separates Festivus from the commercial madness of the holidays.” — Frank Costanza18. “Oh no! I’m not doing the feats of strength. I’m out of here!” — George Costanza19. “I’m just here for the feats of strength. Watch me lift this remote control!” — Frank Costanza20. “It’s got no decorations. Just a simple aluminum pole.” — Frank Costanza
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21. “Festivus: Because who needs all that joy and cheer anyway?” — Frank Costanza
22. “It’s a Festivus miracle!” — Cosmo Kramer
23. “I told you we’re gonna have a Festivus! Now, get your grievances ready!” — Frank Costanza
24. “Festivus is for those who want to escape the stress of traditional holiday cheer and embrace the absurdity of life.” — Cosmo Kramer
25. “I’m going to get in my cardio by avoiding awkward conversations with relatives.” — George Costanza
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26. “Is there a grievance about the bagels? We have a problem with everything here.” — Kramer
27. “George, the pole is part of your heritage. It’s who you are!” — Frank Costanza
28. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I’m disappointed in you.” — George Costanza
29. “There’s nothing more refreshing than a simple, undecorated pole to symbolize Festivus.” — Frank Costanza
30. “He’s gonna see the pole!” — Frank Costanza
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31. “I find tinsel distracting. It’s too shiny.” — Frank Costanza
32. “I managed to avoid the holiday rush at the grocery store. It’s a Festivus miracle!” — Unknown
33. “The Festivus pole stands proudly, without any ornaments, just the way it should be.” — Frank Costanza
34. “Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way. A Festivus for the rest of us.” — Frank Costanza
35. “Not the feats of strength! I hate the feats of strength!” — George Costanza
36. “It’s not over until you hear my grievances, George!” — Frank Costanza
37. “This year, we’re celebrating Festivus, and we’re doing it with the pole.” — Frank Costanza
38. “My dog learned how to roll over without hitting the antique armoire. It’s a Festivus miracle!” — Unknown
39. “I’ve got the pole out of the crawl space. Now, who’s ready for the feats of strength?” — Frank Costanza
40. “That must have been some kind of doll.” — Cosmo Kramer
41. "Frank, this new holiday of yours is scratching me right where I itch." — Cosmo Kramer
42. “Let’s get this over with. I’ve been training all year for this!” — Frank Costanza
43. “You couldn’t smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe. I lost my train of thought.” — Frank Costanza
44. “We celebrate with a pole, not a tree. That’s what Festivus is all about.” — Frank Costanza
45. “Happy Festivus! George, this is a surprise. Who’s the suit?” — Frank Costanza
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46. “You didn’t get me anything for Festivus! I’m outraged!” — Frank Costanza
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47. “I’m not participating in the Festivus dinner. I have a strict policy against eating with my family.” — George Costanza
48. “No tree, no lights, no pressure—just a pole and some grievances.” — Frank Costanza
49. “The Festivus tradition is innovation—simple, no decorations, no gifts, just pure fun.” — Frank Costanza
50. “It’s a Festivus miracle!” — Cosmo Kramer
51. “Festivus is the perfect mix of honoring tradition and embracing something new.” — George Costanza
52. “I caught a cab, and it didn’t stink of BO. It’s a Festivus miracle!” — Unknown
53. “I got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re gonna hear about it!” — Frank Costanza
54. “I got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re gonna hear about it!” — Frank Costanza
55. “The pole stands proudly without any ornaments, a testament to Festivus!” — Frank Costanza
56. “George, you’re up for the feats of strength! Get ready!” — Frank Costanza
57. “Kramer told them I was just about to see you… It’s a Festivus miracle!” — Cosmo Kramer
58. “This pole is a symbol of rejecting all the glitz of traditional holidays!” — Frank Costanza
59. “Festivus is a holiday that breaks the mold—an innovation in itself!” — George Costanza
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60. “Stop crying and fight your father!” — Frank Costanza
61. “Why go along with the same old holiday traditions when you can have Festivus?” — Cosmo Kramer
62. “The stress of the holidays just vanishes when you air your grievances.” — Frank Costanza
63. “You don’t need glasses. You’re just weak. You’re weak.” — Frank Costanza
64. “Tradition says we air our grievances. Innovation says we make it funny!” — Frank Costanza
65. “Let’s do it then! Festivus is back!” — Frank Costanza
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66. “Festivus is the perfect mix of honoring tradition and embracing something new.” — George Costanza
67. “Tradition is important, but sometimes you have to innovate. Enter the Festivus pole!” — Frank Costanza
68. “Festivus for the rest of us.” — Frank Costanza
69. “A simple pole—no decoration. It’s pure, no commercialization!” — Frank Costanza
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70. “Festivus is the one day a year I can tell everyone exactly how they disappointed me—stress relief at its best!” — Frank Costanza
71. “We had some good times. Remember the tape? Read that poem." — Frank Costanza
72. “Gwen! Kramer told me everything! Another Festivus miracle!” — Jerry Seinfeld
73. “And now, as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength.” — Frank Costanza
74. “Festivus isn’t over until someone pins me. Let’s rumble!” — Frank Costanza
75. “I don’t care about the Feats of Strength, I just want to eat!” — George Costanza
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