I am similarly judgmental of younger women dating older men, despite my best intentions. When it was rumoured recently that 29-year-old Delaney Rowe, one of my favourite TikTok comedians, was dating 45-year-old The Office star BJ Novak, my conception of Rowe as whip-smart and cynical weakened. I used to struggle with the fact one of my favourite singers, Celine Dion, started dating her late husband when she was 19 and he was 43.
Indeed, the catchphrase “let me guess, she’s an old soul” has come to represent the predictability of men explaining their dynamic with a younger girlfriend. A guy I know who started dating his ex when she was 18 and he was 35 explained to a group of us: “I know what you’re thinking, but actually she was the mature one”. Rather than it being the mic drop he intended, it proved everything we had thought about men who date younger women.
This is particularly unfair of me because relationships where women are older are currently heralded as cool and progressive. In the recent Bridget Jones movie, she’s 52, and her love interest Roxster is 29. Babygirl centres on the sexual dynamic between a 57-year-old CEO played by Nicole Kidman, and her 28-year-old male intern. I can find it easier to view younger men in such dynamics as comfortable in their masculinity. Can you imagine if the reasons women vocalise for dating younger men in the media – that they have a higher sex drive, or that they have less baggage – were used by men dating younger women?
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We are so desperate to celebrate older women dating younger men because we feel we’ve been programmed our whole lives to view older women as wrinkly and droopy – while men get to be silver foxes. I’ve seen it play out. When hit on by a guy five years younger, I’ve had to seek counsel from my female friends that I wasn’t creepy or “past it”, and they’ve done the same with me. I doubt men feel as much insecurity.
After a break-up, I recall a quote ringing in my head, which Celine Dion told the crowd to introduce one of her songs, at the Colosseum in Las Vegas: “I believe that we love truly, deeply, only once in a lifetime”. Looking back, despite her being the queen of love ballads, I feel that’s where Dion is wrong. We are capable of falling in love with more than one person; statistically there are multiple people for us in this world.
That New York magazine piece, “Couples say they’re happy. Why is it so hard to believe them?”, wasn’t asking the right question. Those relationships involve real love; real happiness. But surely, there’s the promise of being happier with someone else, for a longer time. And that it’s worth young women – like 32-year-old Ginny – having the bravery to seek that person, of a similar age, out.
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