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Sceptics might scoff at this notion. For starters, one might rightly point out we cannot expect ourselves to be Pollyanna characters who are happy all the time. So-called “toxic positivity” is certainly a hindrance, not a help, when it comes to happiness levels. But this isn’t about trying to dispel all negative emotion; rather, it is about working towards what researchers and psychologists call “subjective wellbeing” – long-term contentment and overall life satisfaction.
And they don’t arise by accident. Rather than being fully tethered to circumstances long-term, authentic happiness is built through adopting practices which help you strengthen it. From gratitude and connection to authenticity and play, happiness depends on how we train our brains, shape our routines and chart life’s ups and downs.
Research shows those who practice mindfulness are consistently happier. “Mindfulness, or learning to be more present in the moment, has been scientifically proven to generate neurological changes in the brain that can combat anxiety and depression, improve emotional wellbeing and create a sense of being more grounded and focused,” says Cavallo. “Practising meditation daily, as little as five minutes at a time, can make a difference.”
“Over time, the benefits arise in the way we notice, sense and appreciate more in our day-to-day lives,” she says. “So, try to do something that makes you feel more present each day – but if you miss a day, don’t berate yourself; just start again where you left off.”
Optimism
“Optimism is the ability to look towards the positives in any situation,” Tew explains. “It’s important to separate this from toxic positivity, which is a tendency to blindly ignore potential difficulties. It is more about remembering to acknowledge the positive ones too.”
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Research consistently tells us that strong and supportive relationships are the key to emotional wellbeing, enabling us to thrive psychologically. In fact, the world’s longest-running study of happiness – The Harvard Study of Adult Development – has found that strong relationships are the biggest predictor of lifelong fulfilment. “We are social animals, hardwired for connection with others from birth, throughout our lives,” explains Cavallo. “Being close to others changes our physiology, having a calming effect and helping us to regulate emotionally.”
“Relationships thrive when there are reciprocal patterns of fondness and appreciation,” Cavallo says. “Also, learning to voice our concerns and communicate with those close to us can be hard, but it’s an important skill that can build relationship resilience.”
Flow
Have you ever been so engrossed in a hobby or task that you almost forget where you are? If so, that is what positive psychologists describe as a “flow state” – and is something enormously beneficial to our wellbeing.
To practice more flow, Tew advises asking yourself what activities you do that leave you wondering where the time went. It might be something creative, like painting or writing, or even something more active, such as gardening or swimming. “A flow state often comes from a ‘just right” balance between a challenge and your natural strengths, meaning you can meet it,” she says.
It can be hard to find gratitude in every day life (Photo: Malte Mueller/Getty/fStop)“Gratitude has been scientifically proven to reduce depression and anxiety by generating physiological changes to neural pathways in the brain,” says Cavallo. “We all view the world through a ‘lens’, and when we are feeling worried or low, we tend to notice the negatives.
The easiest way to embrace it is by getting into the habit of writing down three things you are grateful for each day. “Keep it simple,” she advises. “Notice the little things. It could be coffee in bed in the morning, getting a seat on the train or an unexpected text from a friend.”
Authenticity
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To foster more authenticity, take time to really think about what does and doesn’t make you happy. “Reflect on your core beliefs and values, on what naturally brings you joy,” she says. “And remember that we all naturally change and grow, so what used to make you happy might not be the case now. Authenticity is a journey, rather than an ultimate goal.”
“Kindness means showing care and compassion through your words, actions and intentions,” says Tew. “When we act with kindness, we can create meaningful relationships with others that can become joyful in good times and sources of support through difficult times.
Acceptance
Acceptance is the willingness to acknowledge there may be aspects of our lives that we cannot change and that the emotional ups and downs associated with this are normal and healthy.
“To foster this sense of acceptance, reflect on any patterns of resistance when emotions are stirred up, or we become preoccupied with negative thinking,” she says. “Practice sitting with the discomfort this may generate rather than allowing yourself to be driven entirely by emotion.”
Accept what can’t be changed (Photo: Malte Mueller/Getty/fStop)There are small ways to build up your ability to do so. “Emotional awareness – such as learning to name and process your emotions – is important in becoming more resilient,” says Tew. “Breaking overwhelming challenges into smaller chunks will make them feel more manageable. Being able to set boundaries and prioritising genuine rest will give your mind and body a chance to recover.” Resilience is best with social support, she adds. “That means being able to ask for and accept help during times of struggle will help you to find your way back to solid ground.”
Self-compassion
“It can be easy to be our own worst critics, governed by unrealistic expectations or perfectionism,” says Cavallo. “Self-compassion is a crucial happiness skill to foster as it can reduce negative self-talk, combat inner criticism and build emotional resilience.”
“Journaling can help you notice patterns,” she adds, “such as when you are most vulnerable to your inner critic and what you find most helpful to move away from this.”
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“It gives us the feeling that we are able to contribute in a way that matters and gives us direction, hope and confidence,” Tew says. “Our purpose may change over time, but it is often closely linked to our values and with the activities that make us feel most engaged and alive.”
Playfulness
Playfulness is not just for children – it is vital for happiness because it stimulates endorphins, helps to reduce stress and promotes positive emotions.
It might even just being a little more spontaneous. “Playfulness isn’t about specific activities but about bringing openness and curiosity into your interactions with the world,” she says.
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