You may have zero desire to bring the grandparents on a family vacation. However, they're keen to take you down memory lane in what can best be classified as a guilt trip."They might use guilt to get what they want, such as saying, 'I raised you, so you owe me this,'" Dr. Hafeez says. "This tactic makes you feel obligated to do something you don't want to."Dr. Hafeez adds that guilt trips are a form of manipulation.Related: 7 Signs You Were Raised by an Emotionally Immature Father, According to a Psychologist
2. Plays favorites
You were unaware that you signed up to be on a reality competition TV show when you became a parent. Yet, a toxic grandparent will leave you feeling like you're consistently in the bottom two."If they frequently criticize how you parent, such as saying, 'You shouldn't let them do that,' it undermines your confidence as a parent," Dr. Hafeez shares. "It can cause you to second-guess your decisions and feel unsupported in your role."Related: People Who Felt Constantly Criticized as Children Usually Develop These 13 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
4. Disrespects your partner
Life is a one-way street for some grandparents."Toxic grandparents often focus on their own wants and needs, ignoring yours completely," Dr. Hafeez says. "For example, they may demand your attention during stressful times without considering that you may need space or help."
6. Praises to mask criticism
"I'm sorry" is two little words that toxic grandparents can't manage to spit out."They might never offer an apology even after hurting your feelings or making a mistake," Dr. Hafeez says. "They reject responsibility for their actions and blame you for the problems."
8. Stresses that they're a limited-time offer
How To Respond to Toxic Grandparents: 3 Tips
Yes, you're allowed to set consequences with your parents (or in-laws), even if it's a role reversal from childhood."It's important to outline consequences for toxic behaviors and follow through if those boundaries are crossed," Dr. Hafeez says. "Having consequences is not mean. Rather, it reinforces that disrespectful behavior will not be tolerated and helps maintain healthy boundaries."Related: 10 Things Every Kid Needs To Hear From Their Parents and Grandparents, Child Psychologists Say
2. Communicate regularly and openly
3. Don't argue
This one is hard but worth it to keep your peace."Don't engage in arguing," Dr. Hafeez notes. "Otherwise, it's just going to cause more significant problems. A simple 'I don't think this is a productive conversation' can help steer things in a healthier direction.'"Up Next:
Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Asking These 10 Questions
Source:
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Ph.D., neuropsychologist, founder and director of Comprehend the Mind. Read More Details
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