Some people "can't take compliments." However, if your parents rarely (if ever) apologized to you as a child, you may struggle to take an "I'm sorry" seriously."If you haven’t ever received an apology from the most important people in your life, you will struggle to understand this is a healthy behavior and therefore struggle to accept it in adult relationships," explains Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist. "We gravitate toward what we are used to, not what is healthy, even when we want to grow. In these instances, an apology may even feel threatening or insincere because you won’t know how to receive it."Related: People Who Received Very Little Affection in Childhood Often Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
2. Trust issues
This one likely comes as no surprise, given that your first teacher was "without fault.""I always tell my clients, 'It’s hard to speak a language we’ve never heard,'" Dr. McGeehan reveals. "It doesn’t make sense that we would be able to engage in a behavior we have never seen, and saying 'I’m sorry' is the primary way we model accountability and admit our human faults."Related: People Who Weren't Told 'I Love You' in Childhood Often Develop These 13 Traits as Adults
4. Perfectionism
Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks, commonly sees patients who never heard "I'm sorry" growing up exhibit a sense of self that is so low that they do not think they're worthy of respect."If a person has not experienced an apology, they may come to [think]...that it is OK to be treated any way by others," Dr. Smith explains. "Being apologized to helps us develop a sense that we are worth people acknowledging their impact and errors. If this is absent from our upbringing, it can influence how we see ourselves and how we allow ourselves to be treated."
6. Over-apologizing
This one is another trait aimed at "keeping the peace," often to your detriment."Sometimes, when a person has not seen 'I am sorry' modeled or taught, they become overly compliant and want to avoid any sort of tension," Dr. Smith says. "In an effort to appease and keep peace, the person will become overly accommodating and people-pleasing."
8. Conflict struggles
After going so long without hearing "I'm sorry" from the most important person or people in your life, it's understandable if you feel chronically emotionally disconnected."Apologies are part of emotional intimacy," Dr. Lira de la Rosa shares. "Without them, some people grow up feeling distant in relationships or struggle to express their own needs. They may assume that talking about feelings won’t lead to understanding or change, so they keep everything bottled up."
10. Hyper-independence
3 Things Ways To Learn About Apologies as an Adult
Dr. McGeehan says that finding a healthy role model for emotional expression and vulnerability is the "quickest way" to heal the trauma you experienced growing up in a home that didn't involve parents apologizing."For example, a leader who admits mistakes and shows genuine remorse when necessary can create an environment where vulnerability is seen as strength, not weakness," Dr. McGeehan explains.From this role model, she says younger-you will learn it's safe to express emotions and vulnerability, which matters as you learn it's OK to apologize.Related: Why Apologizing to Your Kids Is Important—Plus, Therapists Explain How To Do It Effectively
2. Sometimes, apologies aren't needed
3. There's a 'good' way to apologize
Spoiler alert: Dr. Smith says, "I'm sorry you feel that way," is not it. "A better approach is, 'I’m sorry that my actions had a negative impact on you,'" she explains. Also, while words matter, actions do, in fact, speak loudly."The saying, 'The best apology is changed behavior,' is there for a reason," Dr. Smith says. "Apologizing for something and then doing the same thing again is not meaningful."
Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Asking These 10 Questions
Sources:
Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisorDr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologistDr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( People Who Never Heard 'I'm Sorry' From Their Parents Often Develop These 10 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say )
Also on site :