Crufts is only worth watching for the dogs that go rogue ...Middle East

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She hasn’t lost her status as national treasure, of course, so it is with particular pleasure that we welcome her back on the sofa, all well-groomed, companionable and alert, for her annual stint as the face of the Crufts dog show.

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And she returns to Birmingham’s NEC Arena over this weekend, prepared to share her sofa with all manner of peculiar types, human and canine, opening up the mysteries of a contest which whittles down a field of around 28,000 to end up with a single, supreme specimen, crowned Best in Show on Sunday evening.

And when, on the eve of this year’s show, the Kennel Club, who organises Crufts, talks about “diversity”, you can see that they are struggling to fit in with the mores of the modern age.

Distinguished by their rope-like coats, both breeds originate from Hungary and were bred to herd sheep. A spokesperson for the Kennel Club said: “These ‘top risers’ are a real reflection of diversity, with many of the breeds originating from around the globe and generally being less well-known.”

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So there you have it. Diversity in the dog world is a Hungarian breed that looks like a kitchen mop on legs. You will see very few concessions to contemporary thinking over the next few days in Birmingham: dogs are judged, as they always have been, on conformation (shape and structure), temperament and breed-specific characteristics.

This is what the Kennel Club requires of his appearance: “Moderately long in proportion to height, with no exaggeration. Compact, well-muscled body, with enough ground clearance, not less than one quarter of the height at the withers, to allow free movement. Height at the withers should be half the length of the body, measured from breastbone to the rear of thigh. Bold, defiant carriage of head and intelligent expression.”

How can they tell what a particular dog is really like outside the show arena? Only one way. When it gets down to the final judgement, owners should have to answer a series of more informal questions about their dog (I admit I’m thinking of Lenny here). Does he snore? Does he chase his tail? What’s the most ridiculous thing he’s eaten? What’s his favourite TV show? Does he have good jokes? Does he look at you in that adoring way that your partner once did? That sort of thing.

It could be the new highlight of Crufts. Who wouldn’t want to hear what the owners sound like? And guess who’d be the perfect person to undertake the interviews with knowledge, empathy and understanding. Of course: none other than Clare Balding.

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