It made sense for him to be anxious back then, he tells me in the run-up to publication this week. But even once he moved to London as a young adult and was able to enjoy relative safety from the bombs and homophobic bullying, he couldn’t flip a switch and turn off the persistent worry that inhabited him. Over time, he’s learned to both live with the anxiety and to accept it, to guide it rather than control it, and to ask questions about common anxious feelings such as fear, dread and catastrophising, instead of avoiding their impact or denying they exist.
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Read MoreThat early experience of anxiety shaped O’Kane’s career. It has allowed him to build effective bonds with clients by letting them know that he’s human, too, and can empathise with some of their problems. The therapeutic relationship, he explains, is the most important aspect of therapy. This approach has won him many famous followers. Though he can’t say who he’s actually treated, quotes from Davina McCall and Lewis Capaldi, with Matt Willis, Fearne Cotton, Rob Rinder and Will Young all sing his praises.
“I’m very aware there is that catch-your-breath moment when you see the title,” he says. “I don’t think anxiety has ever been framed in the context of addiction before. But I think for most people, the process of anxiety can itself become very addictive. It’s not an official diagnosis. It’s not a topic of discussion in the world of addiction. There are currently no recovery groups. The addiction is to the psychological processes of anxiety.”
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Read MoreHow did he make the connection? “If you think of anything that people get addicted to, it comes with a promise, doesn’t it? It promises safety. It promises escapism. It promises to numb the pain. Anxiety is a bit more subtle, but it comes with a big promise. It says, ‘If you listen to me, I will keep you safe. I will protect you.’”
For anyone new to therapeutic ideas, there’s no grandstanding or complicated theoretical language. The chapters are short and easy to digest, and the message throughout is that you’re in charge, not a victim. O’Kane wants us to know that we can do something about anxiety. We’re in charge of our feelings, and we can learn when to let them out to play, and when to send them packing.
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Read More“The hit that anxiety creates in the short term, the not-doing of all of these things, creates a false sense of safety. That’s where the hit is. It’s the short-term relief of not having to face the thing you’re frightened of.”
O’Kane says so many people shy away from this first, crucial, step, unwilling or unable to look their anxiety in the face and accept that it is part of them. He remembers an anxiety group he set up during his time at the NHS. “This one guy in the group, a previous drug addict with residual anxiety and mood issues, laughed and said, ‘F**king hell. I thought coming off drugs was hard. This [facing his anxiety] is even harder. I’m hooked’.”
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Read MoreO’Kane has designed workshop-style sections to guide readers through this process, from explaining what an anxious thought is and how to quieten your mind, to six steps to deactivate physical anxiety and advice on how to stop and break addictive bad habits.
At present, he’s monitoring his own anxious self carefully, given he has a book launch and speaking engagements. He smiles. “It’s incredibly liberating when you recognise that the cortisol (the hormone released by anxiety) will energise you, and keep you focused and passionate, without going down the path of trying to cancel, escape or freeze.”
Addicted to Anxiety by Owen O’Kane (Penguin, £18.99) is out now
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