You might find it helpful to have a solid baseline for what psychologists use as a benchmark for a "difficult childhood" when discussing the traits below. "A difficult childhood is a deeply personal concept, and it looks different for everyone," Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains. "However, on a broader level, it refers to growing up in an environment that did not fully meet a child’s emotional, physical or psychological needs."Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks, agrees that the definition of "difficult childhood" varies. Dr. Smith says it may have included (but is not limited to):AbuseNeglectTrauma
8 Common Traits of People Who Experienced Difficult Childhoods, Psychologists Say
People with difficult upbringings often lose faith in others because their beliefs backfired constantly during their formative years. "If a child was not appropriately supported, nourished and safeguarded during their upbringing, then it can be difficult to trust people," Dr. Smith says. "If a child never experienced someone expressing genuine care or were exposed to people who use and abuse, then they learn that people cannot be trusted."2. Struggles with emotional intimacy
Independence can be a desired trait, but it can go too far. In adults who had difficult childhoods, it often goes hand in hand with struggles with vulnerability and trust issues, affecting relationships."While self-reliance can be a strength, hyper-independence can make it hard to ask for help, even when needed," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "An adult might struggle to lean on friends or partners because they fear vulnerability will lead to disappointment or rejection."4. Perfectionism
People with challenging childhoods can appear distant, but they may be hyper-sensitive because their day often depended on someone else's mood."They might read too deeply into a partner’s offhand comment or misinterpret workplace feedback as criticism," Dr. Frank says. "While this can sometimes make them empathetic and intuitive, it can also lead to overwhelm, miscommunication and an inability to separate others’ emotions from their own."Related: People Who Were Told They Were 'Too Sensitive' as Children Usually Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say6. Hyper-attuned to the needs of others
Mental health issues are common and understandable in people who had it tough as kids."Growing up in a chaotic environment can make people feel like the world is always on the verge of falling apart," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "As adults, they might constantly anticipate the worst, like imagining failure at work or fearing their partner will leave. This anxiety can be exhausting and make it hard to enjoy the present."Related: A Trauma-Informed Psychotherapist Is Begging People With Anxiety To Try This 3-Minute Coping Strategy8. Perpetuation of problematic approaches
No. 8 isn't a lifelong given. Generational cycles can end with you."Change is possible so long as you are willing to work towards it," Dr. Smith explains. "It is true that the past cannot be changed, but how we navigate it, what we do with it and how it impacts us can be changed."Related: The 2 Most Obvious Signs of an Unhealthy Parent-Adult-Child Relationship
You'll need to re-program yourself after a tough childhood."To do something different, we have to conceptualize that something different is possible," Dr. Smith says.It's more than a mindset—you'll want to seek out real-life examples you didn't witness in childhood. Struggling? Dr. Smith says fictional TV shows, books, films and plays where people work through traumas and find hope and healing can also provide inspiration and practical tips.
4. Practice these new, healthier ways of being
You lacked a village in childhood but deserve it as a grown-up."Finding people who accept and uplift you can counteract the loneliness or mistrust rooted in a difficult childhood," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "This could mean joining a support group, reconnecting with kind friends or seeking out mentors who model healthy relationships."6. Seek help
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Related: People Who Were 'Constantly Excluded' in Childhood Often Develop These 11 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
Sources:
Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisorDr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with ThriveworksDr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., a psychologist with Duality Psychological Services Read More Details
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