The three-part series – drolly narrated by comedian Rob Brydon – chronicles his post-fame life in New Zealand with his third wife, Liz. Explaining his decision to relocate to a remote community halfway across the world he says, “We are not trees, so we can move.” In his meditation room, he describes his credo as “visualisation of body energy”. His pub, The Bugger Inn, serves brews with names such as “Old Git” and “Boring Bastard”. There is also a cider called “Dickens”, which he claims is “very popular with the ladies”.
Noel Edmonds moved to New Zealand with his wife Liz in 2019 (Photo: Potato/ITV)
Edmonds and Liz’s answer to Clarkson’s Diddly Squat farm is River Haven, an 800-acre estate including a vineyard, a wellness centre, a coffee shop and the Bugger Inn. However, unlike Jeremy Clarkson, who comes across as broadly popular with locals in the Cotswolds, Edmonds has not endeared himself to the community on New Zealand’s South Island following reports that he sacked 17 staff with a day’s notice.
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In an early scene, he tries to win around a local vicar whose faith in God appears to diminish every time Edmonds opens his mouth. “Are we integrating? We’re trying really hard,” Edmonds asks him. “Don’t overthink it,” says the vicar, obviously spooked by his neediness.
Noel Edmonds has a statue made by the special effects department Lord of the Rings in his back garden (Photo: Potato/ITV)
Attempting some DIY, he compares a nail gun to a “sex toy” – “the horniest bit of kit you will come across”. In his garden stands a statue of a praying knight made by the Lord of the Rings special effects people to “counter dark forces”. Reflecting on his departure from the UK, he embarks on a surreal, quasi-political rant. “All the things I miss about Britain are the reasons I left,” he says. “It changed so much, so fast, so fundamentally, that I found myself missing a quieter country.”
This smirking reality romp is one-note and self-satisfied, with nothing to declare but Edmonds’s preposterousness. But it does achieve the impossible: I now feel sorry for Noel Edmonds.
‘Noel Edmonds’ Kiwi Adventure’ continues next Friday at 9pm on ITV1
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