Well, that is not the deal. Not by a long shot. Allow me and every other coily, curly, and kinky-haired human to tell you exactly what it means.
Does your straight hair require specialist bedding to stop it frizzing and breaking? No! I have to sleep in a silk bonnet, with silk pillows, and a silk duvet cover each night. It’s a miracle that I manage to stay in the bed at all, instead of shooting out of it like a wet piece of soap – and my hair still looks like a pack of dried ramen each morning.
Let’s start with the time curly hair will suck away from your life. I imagine you straighties preparing to leave the house. You might have washed your barnet the night before, and it’s still looking the same after you’ve woken up. You might brush it through, or perhaps give it a quick straighten with the irons. Or you do nothing at all and skip out of the door, looking amazing, to enjoy all that free time of yours.
I don’t know if you know this, but you can’t brush curly hair when it’s dry. If you do that then it puffs up in the style of Albert Einstein or Boris Johnson. You have to get it wet in order to style it. Then you have either leave it to air-dry, which will take about a calendar week, or you can diffuse it, which takes hours. For the uninitiated, a diffuser is an attachment for hair dryer that disperses the air over a larger area. Curly hair needs this because it is a whiney little bitch.
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I use extra-moisturising shampoos and conditioners, a leave-in conditioner, curl cream, gel, and hair oil. And even then, the frizz can break through. All it takes is a spritz of rain or a hint of humidity and the monster emerges. Curly hair is like Gizmo in Gremlins – it’s super cute until you get it wet, and then God help you. This is why your curly friend doesn’t want to go swimming with you or sit in a sauna before going to dinner. We will never dance in the rain in carefree abandon. We are prisoners, goddamnit!
On the few occasions I have done telly work and there has been hair and make-up, they either try to straighten it, or leave me to style it myself. I have asked many hairdressers about this, and they all say that they weren’t ever trained to style curly hair. Why on earth not? An estimated 40 per cent of the world’s population have curly hair! We are hardly an oddity.
I get my curls from my dad, who dealt with his by cutting them all off. My poor mother has very straight hair and had no idea what to do with a curly-haired child. This was in the 80s, before the internet and TikTok showed up to save us all with curly hair routines. She tried to control the frizz by brushing it, which only made it frizzier, or by having it cut short, which I hated. It wasn’t until I was in my thirties that I finally learned what is required to tame the frizz and make it look as good as it can.
So, why don’t I straighten it? Because I love it. I don’t know if this is hair-based Stockholm syndrome, but on the rare occasions the stars align and my hair does as I want it to, I do love it. I know it looks good. Plus, I have had it straightened in the past and it never goes completely straight. It always looks a bit puffy, so I may as well embrace the curls.
My plea here is for hairdressers to learn about curly hair and how to style it. If you are a parent with a curly-haired child, stop brushing their hair! You too need to learn the gremlin routine, but it will be worth it. I know my curls (and all curls) look incredible, but the next time you see someone absolutely rocking their ringlets, just know the work that goes into it – and for God’s sake, keep them away from the water.
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