“Golden handcuffs” are job “perks” that sound amazing, but leave you feeling stuck or controlled. “On paper, everything looks great,” says Dr. Ehab Youssef, a licensed psychologist who specializes in transformative therapy. “However, emotionally and psychologically, the person often feels trapped. The ‘golden’ part refers to the reward, and the ‘handcuffs’ part points to the restriction or loss of freedom.” Related: What Is ‘Quiet Quitting’? It’s Actual Meaning Is Not What You’d ThinkIn practice, he says they're usually financial incentives, such as high salaries, stock options, bonuses or generous benefits. Basically, things that keep you in a job you might not otherwise want to stay in.If that definition doesn’t hit hard, this client quote might: “I had a client, a corporate attorney, who once said, ‘I feel like I've built a prison with a view,’” Dr. Youssef recalls. “That’s a perfect metaphor for what golden handcuffs can feel like.”Related: Crush Your Goals With These 75 Mantras for Success
5 Signs You’re Dealing With Golden Handcuffs at Work
2. You feel emotionally disconnected from your job
In other words, Dr. Youssef says, you might show up out of obligation rather than because of a sense of purpose. You may not feel like you matter or that you care about the work you’re doing. One of his clients said she felt like a “well-paid ghost.”Related: The 10 Most Important Things To Say and Do When Quitting a Job, According to Experts
4. You feel pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle
As mentioned, the main factor that keeps you in a “golden handcuff job” is usually the financial piece. Maybe you or your family have gotten used to the lifestyle that matches it, and you don’t want to let that go.“Golden handcuffs often come with golden spending habits,” Dr. Youssef validates. “I had a client who said, ‘If I left, I’d have to sell the house, and that feels like failure.'”
Differentiate your values and your lifestyle
Dr. Youssef led an activity with a client where they created two columns: what the client needs to live meaningfully, and what they think they need to maintain their current lifestyle.“It helped him see that the gym membership, private school and biannual vacations were nice, but not essential to his well-being,” Dr. Youssef says. “That shift gave him permission to explore a lower-paying but more fulfilling opportunity.”
Redefine what “success” means to you
For some people—and perhaps especially those dealing with golden handcuffs—”success” may be equated with external validation, titles, income and prestige. But what if success could mean something different?“In therapy, we unpack where those beliefs came from (often childhood or cultural narratives) and build a definition that feels more authentic,” Dr. Youssef explains.For example, “success” could be job satisfaction, having more time to spend with family, less anxiety or a job that aligns with different values of yours—and that’s only a start.
This is another option that can make you feel more prepared and even hopeful. “One client, a burnt-out exec, started teaching one night a week at a local college,” Dr. Youssef shares. “It helped her reconnect with purpose and confirmed that she didn’t want to stay in corporate forever, and she eventually transitioned out with a clearer direction.”
Work with a therapist
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