“An empath is a person who naturally has a heightened sense of people, allowing them to deeply perceive, resonate and understand others’ perspectives,” says Dr. Brittney Jones, licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Today's Psychologist. She adds that some think of empaths as “emotional sponges” that can absorb stress and emotions from others.Meanwhile, narcissists couldn’t be more opposite. Related: 12 Signs You Might Be a 'Highly Sensitive Person,' According to a Therapist
What It Means To Be a Narcissist
While it may seem as if these two types of individuals would try to stay as far away from one another as possible, some things can cause one to gravitate toward the other—for instance, for better or for worse, a dysfunctional dynamic can be the catalyst. This dysfunctional dynamic is defined by “the empath being understanding and compassionate,” which feeds the narcissist’s need for “admiration and attention,” Dr. Jones says. “Inevitably, the initial superficial charm and confidence from the narcissist will wane,” she observes. “Insecurities arise, along with a need for being validated. Then, with their lack of empathy, when problems in the relationship arise, behaviors like manipulation, gaslighting and blame-shifting surface. With an empath’s understanding nature, they may minimize or forgive these slights, further reinforcing the dysfunctional cycle.” Related: 35 Simple, Sincere Phrases To Express Empathy, According to Therapists
5 Surprising Signs of an Empath and Narcissist Relationship
Dr. Jones says that empath-narcissist relationships may seem one-sided, with the narcissist expecting special treatment or unconditional positive regard, even at the expense of the empath’s feelings or boundaries.
2. Imbalances Leading to Resentment
“Empaths may often feel anxious, like they’re walking on eggshells to avoid triggering their narcissist partner,” Dr. Jones notes.
4. Manipulation
5. Devaluation and Criticism
Although narcissists may have periods of “idealizing the empath,” as Dr. Jones puts it, devaluation and criticism is inevitable and can cause an empath to be confused and wonder why the narcissist puts up with them. “A cycle of dependence surfaces, causing the empath to compensate by catering to the narcissist’s needs,” she explains.Related: 7 Ways To Use Emotional Intelligence Against a Narcissist, According to Psychologists
It can also be helpful to seek professional help from a mental health practitioner who is trained in narcissist-empath dynamics. If this relationship is with your partner, Dr. Jones suggests starting couple’s or martial therapy.
If you’ve tried all that you can, but the relationship still feels toxic, you have the option to walk away, as long as it feels safe to do so. If it doesn’t feel safe, bring in extra supports or authorities if needed.
Related: 8 Common 'Dark Empath' Phrases in Relationships and How To Respond, According to Therapists
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