DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I tell someone I am an engineer, they often ask what my degree is.
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I’m always surprised and insulted, but I just say what my degree is and move on. Sometimes there are even follow-up questions, such as which school I attended — like it’s not possible that I could have a four-year degree in engineering.
I would like an answer that indicates that this is a sexist and insulting question, without being too obvious or confrontational.
GENTLE READER: “Unfortunately, it’s not to operate a choo-choo train, as I suppose you were hoping. Just a regular engineering degree, like my husband’s.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have developmental prosopagnosia, or face-blindness, and cannot recognize any human faces.
I work remotely in a profession that does not require me to interact directly with others. My husband watches TV and movies with me in case I confuse the characters, and goes to parties with me to help me know who I’m talking with.
I have been very open about my condition and my willingness to answer questions about it, and have made sure to inform all my friends about it.
But I have one friend who insists on showing me photos of people. She will hold her phone right in front of my face and scroll through dozens of pictures of her son, his friends, her husband’s family, friends that I’ve never met, and so on.
I’ve tried saying things like, “Oh, is that Junior?” or “Is that the same girl from the other photo?” After a particularly grueling session of many, many photos of her son’s high school prom, I even said, “You know I’m face-blind, right?”
But nothing has stopped this behavior.
Due to the isolating nature of my condition, I have a very small number of friends, and I don’t want to lose this person’s friendship. Can you think of something I can say or do to make her stop, without offending her?
GENTLE READER: You are likely not the only one with this question. It seems probable that everyone else this person has bored senseless would also welcome a solution.
Miss Manners is beginning to wonder if there is a medical condition that renders people unable to notice that others run when they see them coming.
The polite way to refuse to look at pictures is to look away and say, “I’d so much rather you talked to me about it. Did your son tell you what high school proms are like these days?”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who constantly solicits gifts for a variety of occasions, both for herself and for her 12-year-old son.
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How should I approach these kinds of requests?
GENTLE READER: Of course it is a thing. Are you not constantly being solicited for money and goods from just about everyone who has your contact information?
But Miss Manners assures you that that does not make it a proper thing, nor one requiring a response.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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