At one point, I remember glancing over at my sister as we were all squashed into a hot tub at a hotel rooftop pool party, singing and screaming while the DJ played the remix of Moliy and Silent Addy’s “Shake it to the Max” and just thinking: “That girl brings the best (and worst!) out of me.”
I’ve got my sister Carina, ever the middle child, wilder than her sensible sister, lover of people, annoying and amazing at the same time. And then my brother Joshua, the youngest and by far the most responsible out of the three of us, a bit quieter due to the dominant sisters in his life, with a brilliant mind and the most loving, sensitive soul.
square CHARLENE WHITE My sister has moved abroad. Why am I grieving?
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The three of us definitely fit into traditional sibling dynamics of responsible eldest, the one with middle-child syndrome, and the youngest raised with fewer rules because my parents were tired by then.
I was recently reading parts of Susan Dominus’s book, The Family Dynamic: A Journey into the Mystery of Sibling Success, which argues: “Siblings, at their best, can urge one another on. Competing and collaborating, whether intentionally or not, they help chart the course of one another’s lives.”
Irrespective of what time I rolled back into the family home on a Saturday night, I would still drag myself out of bed to be present at my brother’s rugby matches and tournaments, screaming words of encouragement from the sidelines while sobering up with a bacon sandwich. He, all these years later, is passionate about always showing up for his friends, and niece and nephew.
The jealousy I probably felt as a kid watching her freedom turned into respect, and taught me so much, including learning to relax into life a little bit. But even before then, we were two young girls living under one roof – there was a lot of yelling and arguing, lots of unauthorised stealing of clothes, a ton of eye-rolling, but a lot of love.
So when I see my two kids bickering over something or another and winding each other up, I see them developing negotiating skills, learning to respect each other, finding their feet with their first best friend, and figuring out the sibling roles that will determine who they’ll become.
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