Psychologists share that low self-worth is one of the most ubiquitous traits in people who experienced childhood bullying."Because they were repeatedly told, either directly or indirectly, that they didn’t belong or weren’t good enough, they may carry a harsh inner critic or constantly question their value, especially in relationships or work settings," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says.
2. Perfectionism
"The child may have developed the belief that if they prove that they are good enough, the bullying will stop," Dr. Miller explains. "In adulthood, perfectionism and over-achieving mindsets often manifest in rigidity, high self-criticism and avoidance of tasks due to being overworked."Related: 7 Signs of 'High-Functioning Depression,' According to a Columbia-Trained Psychiatrist
4. Chronic angry outbursts
Dr. Lira de la Rosa says people bullied in childhood may be angry about the experience, but they don't direct it at the bullies. Instead, he says they often turn inward. However, eventually, those feelings come out."This anger can show up in self-sabotaging behaviors or sudden emotional reactions that seem 'out of the blue' but are really tied to old wounds that never got the attention they needed," he explains.Related:People Who Were 'Constantly Excluded' in Childhood Often Develop These 11 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
"Not understanding that bullying was not your fault may lead to misguided attempts to morph into a more 'accepted' or 'likable' person," Dr. Leno says.Related: Individuals Who Grew Up as 'People-Pleasers' Usually Develop These 12 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
6. Lack of assertiveness
The sky may always feel like it's falling now that you're an adult. However, this Chicken Little attitude is your attempt at keeping yourself safe."Hypersensitivity is a protective factor that helped during the time of being bullied," Dr. Miller points out. "If they were aware enough of others’ moods and behaviors, they could either escape the situation or try to control it to de-escalate the other person’s actions or words. This can be a symptom of PTSD."
8. Anxiousness in social settings
Getting to know a person bullied in childhood may feel akin to peeling a sticker off a wall in your home that predates you living there."Adults who were bullied as kids may be more defensive, especially toward new people," Dr. Leno says. "Their guard may lower as they get to know you."
10. Trust issues
Conflict is normal and part of even the healthiest relationships, but that's not what victims of bullying learn."They learned via their childhood bully that conflict means that they will be hurt, perhaps emotionally and/or physically," Dr. Miller says.As a result, she shares that adults who experienced childhood bullying may try to protect themselves by avoiding conflict at all costs—ironically, at a cost to them."Adults who avoid conflict are over-accommodating and show low concern for their own needs and wants, which can lead to unresolved issues and resentment," she explains.
12. Fears of rejection
Dr. Leno shares that It's natural to want better for our kids."However, projecting your experiences onto your child can compromise your relationship and their development," Dr. Leno says. "On a positive note, they may immediately recognize the effects of bullying, allowing them to get ahead of any lasting damage."
14. Advocacy
How To Heal From Childhood Bullying as an Adult
Become the person you needed and deserved as a child."Practicing self-compassion is key," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "Many adults who were bullied are far harder on themselves than they would ever be on someone else. Learning to treat themselves with kindness, especially during moments of stress or failure, can help break the cycle of internalized shame."
2. Find community
Dr. Leno suggests being open about your experiences and the negative impacts of bullying."This will help you process your own experiences while raising awareness about a common occurrence that is often minimized and misunderstood," she explains.
4. Self-reflect
5. Seek help
You don't have to heal alone.
Up Next:
Related: A Clinical Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Making This Punishment Mistake
Sources:
Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisorDr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., LP, a licensed psychologist with DML Psychological Services, PLLCDr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with ThriveworksDr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., a psychologist with Duality Psychological Services Read More Details
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