First, it may help to address what’s going on behind the scenes. Psychologists explain a couple of potential reasons.
Dr. Malasri Chaudhery-Malgeri, Ph.D., a psychologist and the Chief Clinical Officer at Recovery.com, shares similar reasons why aging women can start to feel more lonely as they age. “Children move out, spouses may pass away and retirement can cut off daily social interactions,” she says. “The shrinking of the social world is a profound shift that often leads to an increase in loneliness.”Women are having to navigate a “new normal” with these role changes.“One client in her late 50s told me, ‘I’ve spent so much time being ‘Mom’ that I didn’t realize I hadn’t nurtured my friendships,” Dr. Youssef shares.
Their social circles are shifting
6 Subtle Traits of Loneliness in Aging Women
The way many of us picture loneliness is not the only way it looks.“Loneliness doesn’t always look like someone sitting alone crying,” Dr. Youssef says. “More often, I see it in small shifts in behavior.”Dr. Chaudhery-Malgeri agrees, explaining, “Loneliness often whispers before it screams."Ahead, three psychologists share six subtle signs of loneliness in aging women.
2. Focusing more on "busy work"
Rather than say “yes” to those invitations, Dr. Youssef says lonely women may engage in “busy work” and to-do items, such as household chores, endless Netflix scrolling or “one more project.” While these tasks are sometimes needed, they can also distract from deeper connections.
4. Neglecting self-care routines that used to be enjoyable
Maybe you used to do your hair and makeup every morning, but now you don’t feel up to it or see the point. Maybe you used to love getting a manicure at the salon every couple of weeks, but you don’t do it anymore. “[Loneliness] appears in the neglect of self-care routines that used to bring her joy,” Dr. Chaudhery-Malgari says. “These subtle changes are often the silent alarms, calling out to those attuned enough to hear them.”
6. Becoming overly self-sufficient
Self-sufficiency is great—and it’s no stranger to many women—but being able to ask for and accept help is important for well-being too. It keeps us connected. “If they are feeling lonely, they may avoid asking for help or support, further reinforcing the isolation and loneliness,” Dr. Saidi says.Related: 11 Phrases That Signal a Person's Lonely, According to Psychologists
Seeing yourself as lonely, and loneliness as shameful, can make you feel ashamed, causing you to isolate yourself further. Instead, Dr. Saidi encourages reframing those original thoughts.“Rather than seeing it as a failure, try to view it as a sign that connection is needed and possible,” she says.
Shift your self-talk
Keep plans simple and lowkey. Start by asking one person to hang out one night. “Building connection is a muscle—it strengthens with use,” Dr. Youssef says.
Engage in a new space
Establish a daily routine
Getting into a daily rhythm can make it much easier to connect with people regularly. Dr. Chaudhery-Malgari encourages you to find ways to nourish your spirit and stimulate your mind, and put those activities into your schedule.That could be walking at the park every morning, playing cards with your friends every Saturday or signing up for volunteer activities at your place of worship. Those are only a few of many examples. “Remember, taking that first step toward any of these enriching experiences can help reawaken old passions and forge new friendships,” she says. “Embrace the diversity of opportunities around you and find joy in every interaction.”Related: What To Do When You Feel Lonely—These Expert-Recommended Tips Might Just Help You Feel Better
How To Support Women Displaying Those Behaviors
Extend intentional, specific, personal invitations, like “Let’s grab coffee next Thursday.”Don’t dismiss feelings of loneliness; rather, co-brainstorm ways to reconnect. Suggest small, comfortable activities to do together, like a casual walk or phone call.Gently encourage her toward community engagement and connection, helping her rediscover her passions and connections.Interact with her regularly. Even a simple “How are you?” or “Thinking of you” can be meaningful.Normalize asking for help and support, reminding her that it doesn’t make her a burden.
Whoever you are in this situation or a future one, remember these words from Dr. Youssef: “You’re not alone and you’re not stuck.”Up Next:
Related: 6 Behaviors That Signal a Person's Lonely, According to Psychologists
Sources
Dr. Ehab Youssef is a licensed psychologist who specializes in transformative therapy.Dr. Crystal Saidi is a licensed psychologist who specializes in relationships, coping skills, life transitions and self-esteem.Dr. Malasri Chaudhery-Malgeri, Ph.D., is a psychologist and the Chief Clinical Officer of Recovery.com. Read More Details
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