“It was a very dark, sad time for me,” Turner tells Parade. “I met my ex-husband Matthew when I was 20 and married him when I was 22. We have three kids. He had been my whole world and everything felt upside down and confusing."
"We wrestled with having a mixed-orientation marriage for a little while and I just wanted him to ‘choose me,’" she says. "I recognize now, of course, that he had to be true to himself, but I was nervous about divorcing, not having a partner, and having less time with my children. We didn’t tell a lot of people what we were going through, so it was also a very lonely period.”
Just a few years ago, Turner felt like her life was over. But she's been able to rebuild her life—and that includes being friends with her ex-husband.
So, how did she get to this healthy place? From being stuck in "survival mode" to finding her footing and moving forward, she shares her story—including what made the biggest difference when rebuilding her life, tips for being a good support system for loved ones and encouragement to anyone who's currently going through a tough time.
“Things were very hard for 16 months—Matthew first told me he was bi in the spring of 2019, then that he was gay in the fall of 2019,” Turner tells Parade about the beginning of the end. “We finally decided to separate in March 2020, but then the pandemic caused us to remain in one house. I wondered if the pandemic would draw us together, but things remained difficult. We finally made the decision to divorce in late spring of 2020, and he moved out in June of 2020.”
Starting To Move Forward
"My friend Ann made herself available to me via phone every day on my drive to and from work—she was the one I processed my grief with the most," Turner tells Parade. "Looking back on that time, I don’t know how I would have survived my season of grief without her."
"People often feel like they don’t want to be a burden when they are going through a hard time, but in my experience, people are happy to be with you," she explains. "They want to help in loving, practical ways. We just must be vulnerable enough to ask or let them in."
Accepting the support of loved ones wasn't the only thing that helped—Turner had to show up for herself as well.
Now, Turner wants people to know that they're not alone if they're looking at their lives thinking, "I thought it would be better than this." She's thrilled that she can offer support and encouragement from the other side of this huge life change.
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2. Prioritizing Movement
"Consistently moving my body made a huge difference," Turner tells Parade, explaining that she engaged in "very little physical activity" before her divorce. "I was one of those people [who] bought a stationary bike and started using the Peloton app during the pandemic. I fell in love with how I felt and became very motivated to take better care of my body. This had a ripple effect for my health, my self-confidence and my overall wellness."
4. Pursuing Passions
"I also took a leap and left my corporate job to be a full-time influencer and author," Turner shares. "My new job gave me so much flexibility and freedom that I didn’t have in the corporate world. I loved getting to pour into my work and build something that I was proud of. I saw my Instagram channel grow substantially and people being so encouraged by what I posted. Especially in the early months after my divorce, my work was something that was positive and life-giving."
How To Help Loved Ones Navigate a Hard Life Change
Maybe you're not the one dealing with a tough time right now—maybe it's a friend or family member. How can you show up for them in a meaningful way?
Even if you can't bring over food or babysit, she says you cannot underestimate the impact of simply reaching out.
Related: 25 Divorce Party Ideas That Are Cathartic, Funny and Thoughtful
Encouragement for Tough Times
"Take things one day at a time. Don’t get caught up in the future, but pay attention to what you need today.""You have survived 100% of your hardest days and you are going to survive this one too. You are so resilient, and you can do this.""If you are not seeing a therapist, make it a priority. A good therapist can help you navigate tough seasons in ways you cannot on your own.""You have people in your life who are a safe place for you to land. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with those people and let them in. Sharing your story is so freeing."
Related: 7 of the Most Common Reasons Why Couples Get Divorced, According to Relationship Therapists
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