So, when musician Chappell Roan went on Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy podcast and said that “all [her] friends who have kids are in hell” and that she doesn’t know “anyone who’s happy with children at [her] age”, she caused quite the internet uproar.
Predictably, her words ignited a storm of opinion pieces and angry internet mothers insisting that motherhood is the most rewarding job there is. But for every outraged stay-at-home mum defending their life choices, there are the child-free among us – myself included – who listened to her words and nodded in quiet agreement.
Chappell Roan said she didn’t know any parents with ‘light in their eyes’ on the Call Her Daddy podcast (Photo: Call Her Daddy/YouTube)Another joined in: “Chappell Roan said she doesn’t know anyone that’s happy with kids. Well I’m one. I love my son more than anything, yes it can be a hard job, but it’s the absolute greatest job in the world. Sorry that you’re almost 30 and too busy being a ‘pop star.’”
Yes, parenthood is rewarding. Yes, it’s a choice many embrace wholeheartedly. But let’s not pretend it’s not also an identity-destroying, sleep-depriving, bank-draining slog. And the reality is, it’s so much harder for women. The toll on their bodies, the way it derails their careers. There’s a reason why fewer people are having children in the UK than ever and, according to a recent YouGov survey, 28 per cent of Britons aged 18-40 who don’t have children say they’ve definitively decided not to.
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There was the time I arrived at my friend Sarah’s house to pick her up for one of her first nights out since having her first (and last) baby. Her husband was held up at the office, the babysitter was sick, and as she sat miserably nursing a glass of red, angrily texting her husband, her baby started crying upstairs. She sighed, disappeared for what felt like an eternity, and finally reappeared – wearing a different dress. A so-called poonami had erupted over her first outfit. “Don’t do it,” she said, looking all but dead between the eyes. “It sometimes feels like a fate worse than death.”
Then there’s Bill, a close friend whose wife is also in my circle. When they’re together, he’s all nudge-nudge, wink-wink, telling me and my boyfriend that we’d better hop to it. But when I see him alone, his tone shifts. “If you value your freedom, if you like your sleep, if you want to continue to travel the way you do – forget it,” he tells me, his manner deadly serious.
At first, she was determined to make it work – returning to work early, juggling meetings with day care pickups, and answering emails at 2am while rocking a colicky newborn. But after months of exhaustion, she finally admitted defeat. “I just can’t do it,” she told me over coffee one day, looking utterly defeated. “I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mum, but I can’t keep up.”
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Even the strongest relationships crack under the weight. My old university friend Jake and his wife were once inseparable – one of those couples who travelled the world, threw extravagant dinner parties, and still made time for date nights. Then they had twins. I saw him last Christmas, and the change was stark. “We don’t even talk anymore,” he admitted, “We’re too exhausted to fight, too drained to care. We’re like two roommates just trying to survive.” They split a few months later.
These stories don’t mean that parenthood isn’t worth it for some. But they highlight an inconvenient truth: we live in an era where we’re supposed to be honest about the hardships of life, yet when someone like Chappell Roan states the obvious – that early parenthood can be a waking nightmare – she’s crucified for it. Maybe instead of cancelling her, we should we be asking why her words struck such a nerve in the first place?
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