This is why, despite her being the poster girl for everything New Age – crystals, energy healing, jade yoni eggs – she is, in fact, resolutely old-school. As much as her brand of louche Hollywood glamour and her determination not to give a DIY-coffee-enema what anyone thinks does, in many ways, make her annoying, it is also refreshing, harking back to a simpler time when celebrities were celebrities and normal people were normal people. Unlike many of her contemporaries, Paltrow is not interested in being likeable or relatable. She seems mainly to be interested in doing, to borrow a phrase from Peep Show’s Jeremy Usborne, “whatever mad thing [she] wants” – and it’s this that makes her so beloved.
Paltrow founded Goop before wellness was cool (Photo by Rachpoot/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images)square TELEVISION
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Yesterday Paltrow featured in a long profile with Vanity Fair in the run-up to the release of her new film, Marty Supreme, in which she apparently has a lot of sex with Timothée Chalamet (“There’s now something called an intimacy coordinator, which I did not know existed,” she said). In the piece, she wafts around her mansion in shearling clogs chatting about the impact of celebrity gossip on your share prices and the psychological roots of ambition. While Paltrow is not immune to sharing intimate details of her life – sometimes a little too literally; c.f. the infamous vagina candle – she somehow maintains the distance required for us to feel like she’s still a proper star.
In her new Netflix show, Meghan Markle tries too hard to be “just like us” (Photo: Netflix via AP)
Paltrow, by contrast, has never attempted to seem like one of us. Where Meghan’s brand of wellness makes us feel stifled – like there is something wrong with us if we don’t employ someone to keep our bees or add citrus to everything – Paltrow’s simply makes us laugh. Goop’s products and suggestions are so ridiculous they are almost inspiring. Hair dye for dogs? Leather chaise longues? A $15,000 vibrator plated in 24 karat gold? We’ll take the lot!
Celebrities, I know you’re out there. Let this be a lesson to you all. We don’t care if you’re relatable, or a role model, or a good host. As long as you’re not doing anyone any harm, all your loyal subjects want is for you to be as weird as possible.
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