It's a commonly-used word these days, but what does narcissism actually mean? "Generally speaking, narcissism means someone has a high degree of interest in themselves, their physical appearance [and] their interests," Dr. Goldman says.Most people will display some level of narcissism at one time or another—most of us are a little self-centered or have an ego in certain situations. But narcissistic personality disorder is about more than ego. "While some people may have narcissistic tendencies, people with narcissistic personality disorder have no ability to empathize or understand the effects their behaviors have on those around them," says Shari Botwin, LCSW and author of Thriving After Trauma.One major issue? People with narcissism can be sneaky about it, especially at first—a challenge for daters, especially ones using apps and services."In most cases, narcissists are also charming, likable people," Botwin says.Related: 25 Red Flags That Signify a Toxic Relationship, According to PsychotherapistsWhat Is Narcissistic Abuse?
Love bombing involves over-the-top displays of affection, like expensive gifts or near-constant compliments. It often reels a person in by baiting them. "Love bombing often shows up at the beginning of a relationship," says Botwin.
Boundaries are sexy—but not to a narcissist."Do you feel like you cannot say no to this person? When you attempt to reinforce your limits, are you made to feel like a bad person?" Botwin asks.You could be in a narcissistic abusive relationship if your answers are yes.
Faux empathy
How Dating a Narcissist Changes You, According to Therapists
Trust is one of the major things lost when dating a narcissist. You may have a hard time not only trusting others but your own sense of reality. It's completely understandable."When we are gaslit for a period of time and question reality, it can be difficult to rebuild trust in self around what is real," Dr. Goldman says.This loss of trust can have a profound ripple effect. You'll notice it's mentioned as a foundational piece for numerous other ways dating a narcissist changes you.Related: What Is Fearful-Avoidant Attachment? Here Are the Sneaky Signs and Patterns To Look For in Your Relationships2. It seeps into your current and future relationships with others
Again, trust is often at the core of intimacy challenges after dating a narcissist. "You might become more guarded, have more boundaries or put up walls with other people," Dr. Goldman says. "While that is perhaps functional and healthy in the short term, it might impact longer-term intimate connections with others." 4. Loss of your sense of self
Narcissists often use hurtful words around a partner's appearance, and the person begins to believe they're right."It is common that narcissists will put you down, comment on your body and self-worth," Dr. Goldman says. "This can lead to feeling insecure in your body."6. Loss of self-worth
Dr. Goldman says control issues can present in different forms."[It] might include never having sex again or having sex often or becoming restrictive with food or binging on food," Dr. Goldman says.But there's a common thread if these behaviors are triggered by dating a narcissist."After having lost a sense of control in your life, some people will try to regain control while others think it is impossible to feel a sense of control ever again," says Dr. Goldman.8. Constant self-blame
Coercion and gaslighting will do this to you."The impact of dating [a narcissist] is that you might be questioning right and, wrong," Dr. Goldman says. "As a result, it can be difficult to trust your judgment or know what choices to make."Related: 35 Phrases to Disarm a NarcissistWhat Does Dating a Narcissist Do to Your Brain?
What Does Dating a Narcissist Do to Your Brain?
Dr. Goldman says interacting with a narcissistic partner can leave you feeling like you're perpetually walking on eggshells. These feelings can activate the flight-freeze-fawn response, similar to what a person experiences after a traumatic event."The body will be in a state of activation or guardedness," Dr. Goldman explains. "The brain will not be as sharp with executive functioning—more specifically, decision-making, judgment, insight, problem-solving and processing speed might all be slower or impaired in some way."Related: Ready for a Fresh Start? Here Are 30+ Ways to Totally Change Your Life
How To Heal From a Narcissistic Partner
1. Label the abuse
Bowin says this step is the first on the road to healing."Recognize the behaviors and reinforce that being called names, belittled, controlled or humiliated are not acceptable," Botwin says.
3. Rebuild trust in yourself
Narcissists can rob you of the ability to trust yourself. Take it back little by little."Remember that trust is a continuum," Dr. Goldman. "You might not trust yourself entirely, but you do trust yourself to do some things. Name those things and see that list start to grow."
5. Reconnect
In addition to professional help, rekindling personal relationships with affirming people can be so healing."Reconnect with people who knew you, who you trusted prior to the relationship," Dr. Goldman says. "Seek support from those people, especially the ones that promoted feeling emotionally safe."You may find yourself trusting them—progress!Related: The #1 Most Surprising Benefit of 'Shadow Work' and How To Use This Simple Tool
6. Learn
Up Next:
Related: 'Am I the Problem?' A Relationship Therapist Shares 7 Warning Signs
Sources:
Michele Goldman, Psy.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisorShari Botwin, LCSW, and author of Thriving After Trauma. Read More Details
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