“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” – Golda Meir
“Today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
So, you’re just sitting in your recliner, feet up, reading along in the stack of magazines you’ve intended to read, when a dawning realization breaks: Your first born is old enough to join AARP!
Now, the organization maintains “AARP Is Dedicated To People Over 50 But There Is No Minimum Age To Join,” so technically our first born could have joined six years ago, but when out of the blue one’s mate states, “Just think, our son is eligible for this organization,” – it takes the breath away.
Many folks “of an age” wonder “how we got to be this old” and “no one ever told us it would be like this.”
Saying goodbye
Charlie Brown said, “Saying ‘Goodbye’ always makes my throat hurt…I need more ‘Hellos!”
Well, when bidding our son goodbye after Christmas for his return to his life in SoCal, I couldn’t help saying my paraphrase to the famous quote. The older we are, the more “goodbyes” there are and not nearly enough “hellos” to balance. It takes ingenuity, courage, and a strong sense of humor to make it creatively through this last segment of life.
Finding a life-theme, if one doesn’t have one by this time, is fairly crucial:
Am I going to care about my future by taking care of myself today?
Am I going to treat every adversity as a way to grow, rather than a set-back?
Reflections
In his book, “A Severe Mercy,” Sheldon Vanauken tells the story of his final meeting with C.S. Lewis. The two were close friends, and in an attempt to soften the adieu, Vanauken reports that Lewis interjected, “At all events, we’ll certainly meet again, here – or there.” Then Lewis added, “I shan’t say goodbye. We’ll meet again.” And with that, they shook hands and parted ways. Above the noise of the traffic and from across the street, Lewis shouted, “Besides, Christians never say goodbye!”
Pastor and theologian Wesley Hill, “Minimizing the significance of saying goodbye can blind us to an equally important truth: Separation – the kind that we feel in our bodies – matters.”
We humans have a challenge understanding life’s ending. Our pastor, The Rev. Joe Fry, often states, “We’re not getting out of this life alive!”
What we do, what we stand for, how we face life’s adversities, all count and are a part and parcel of our makeup of “WHO” we are.
“I know that my instinct is to downplay the significance of saying goodbye in an attempt to avoid pain and soften the blow. I recognize and confess to adopting Lewis’ tactics.
“In sharp contrast to downplaying the significance of saying goodbye (in an attempt to avoid pain and soften the blow), pastor and theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer was determined to experience fully the pain of farewell. When he was arrested during World War II, Bonhoeffer wrote, ‘(T)here is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so… (W)e have to suffer indescribably from the separation. Only in that way do we sustain communion with the people we love, even if in a very painful way.”
Quotes by The Rt. Rev. Drew Williams, Bishop, Anglican Diocese of New England.
Taking stock
There are great resources available for end-of-life help. Most especially are using a well-written obituary to demonstrate the real person who lived the life no longer here. How did s/he show kindness? What made him/her smile? How did the beloved view the world?
People forget years, names and accolades; they are more likely to remember when your best side made them smile.
Getting one’s legal affairs in order is such a help to one’s heirs. Equally, I believe, is writing a great eulogy and obituary while the person is still here to help with the details.
Cheer-i-o!
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