Not all criticism is destructive. Some criticism is productive."Criticism can be helpful, but it needs to be done in a growth-promoting manner," says Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. "Constructive criticism can benefit us by helping us see where and how we can change and improve, but unhealthy criticism undermines our sense of self and impairs one’s decision-making."For instance, Dr. Smith says constructive criticism would be: "I see what you did there. I’m sure you had your reasons for doing it that way. Consider doing this in the future because it can help with…"An unhealthy alternative would sound like: “You did that wrong! How could you do that?! What’s wrong with you?!”When discussing the issues below, psychologists are referring to people who chronically experience unhealthy criticism. Related: 17 Phrases To Respond to Constructive Criticism, According to Psychologists8 Common Relationship Issues in Adults Who Were Constantly Criticized as Kids, According to Psychologists
2. Overly critical of others
2. Overly critical of others
People constantly criticized as children don't always stop with internalizing feelings of not being good enough. Sometimes, they project those feelings onto others.Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor, says they come to expect things to be done a certain way and set high standards for what's "good enough" from others. Also?"Some adults raised in highly critical homes were accustomed to having little to no control when they were children, and therefore seek to maintain control power during adulthood by being critical of others," Dr. Goldman says.As people who grew up in this setting know all too well, constant and over-the-top criticism doesn't feel great. These attitudes can cause a person to become isolated from their peers.Related: 9 Outdated Relationship Dynamics Family Therapists Are Begging Parents To Stop Doing With Their Adult Kids
4. Fear of rejection
You know how you miss 100% of the shots you don't take? The same applies to relationships—and Dr. McGeehan says people who grew up with harsh critics feel it's better to sit on the sidelines or pass, even if they're right in front of an open net."Those who experience constant criticism tend to be afraid of rejection more than others," she says. "It’s what they know to be true of people, and they will fear it consistently if that’s what their experience has taught them is true of people. This leads to them leaning into people-pleasing by way of trying to avoid the rejection."They might also refrain from initiating contact, making it challenging to develop relationships.
6. Poor self-advocacy
Not advocating for your needs can lead to resentment and prevent people from getting to know you. However, it's understandable that people who grew up with constant criticism have this issue. "Because of the submissive nature of someone who has been constantly criticized growing up, they struggle to explore who they are and what they want, Dr. McGeehan says. "They’re so used to pleasing others and feeling fear that if they do the wrong thing, they will be torn down that they never learn this skill."Related: Individuals Who Grew Up as 'People-Pleasers' Usually Develop These 12 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
8. Struggle to contribute to the family meaningfully
On the flip side, Dr. McGeehan says people who could never do anything right may be scared to go after a career with upward mobility. "You may be so paralyzed by this fear that you stop trying," she says.Unfortunately, it may prevent someone from making meaningful contributions to a family, leading to strain and financial arguments.Related: People Who Grew Up With Emotionally Immature Parents Often Have These 12 Traits as Adults, According to Psychologists
Now that you're starting to question your inner critic, work to build self-worth. This shift can take time."People with low self-esteem struggle to name what they are good at or what they do well," Dr. Goldman says. "They might struggle to name positive attributes about themselves."Listing traits you like about yourself on a piece of paper can help—at first, writing just one attribute can be a victory.
4. Find some role models who embrace self-compassion and confidence
The grown-ups in your life didn't provide a blueprint for self-compassion or confidence and made you feel the opposite. "If you’ve constantly experienced criticism, then you didn’t have a healthy role model," Dr. McGeehan says. "A healthy model of self-compassion and confidence can show you it’s not only safe to love who you are but also enjoyable."Related: The One Thing Millennials Always Bring Up in Therapy, According to Licensed Therapists
5. Therapy
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Related: This Tiny Tweak to Your Thinking Can Transform Your Relationships, According to Mel Robbins
Sources
Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologistDr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with ThriveworksDr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor Read More Details
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