Finally, Netflix’s new documentary Trainwreck: Poop Cruise told of how in 2013 a fire caused a ship to be cast adrift without power in the Gulf of Mexico. With the toilets no longer flushing, the 4,200 people aboard spent four days defecating into plastic bags. But if that’s the nightmare version of cruising, then Channel 4’s new series Supercruising: Life at Sea is all about selling the dream.
Pam and Barry Morris sleighing in Madiera (Photo: Channel 4)
Anyway, Supercruising: Life at Sea is full of the usual impressive-sounding but meaningless facts, such as how passengers consume 750kg of lobster each week (how many of us can envisage what just 1kg of lobster looks like?). The ships’ 12 restaurants are apparently led by “world-renowned chefs”, although nobody I have ever heard of. As for prices for these luxury 14-day jaunts – that’s one fact that’s conveniently omitted.
There’s no hanging around in the Bahamas, where the passengers are being efficiently ferried to a private island owned by the cruise company. Its horseshoe-shaped beach is swept each morning to suggest that visitors are stepping onto pristine sand instead of a shoreline that had been trampled on by thousands of tourists the day before, and every day before that.
Michael Stenton horse-riding in the Bahamas (Photo: Channel 4)These sorts of programmes live or die by their colourful characters, but interesting personalities are not in evidence here. The Dutch captain, Eric Barhorst, is rather sweet, hankering after shore leave with his wife and two cats. And security officer Rich Fontaine has a mildly interesting aside about having to confiscate passengers’ personal steamers and kettles (a fire risk, apparently). But nobody really stands out.
‘Supercruising: Life at Sea’ continues next Thursday at 8pm on Channel 4
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