DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you do if you say something pleasant to someone, or ask them a question, and they totally ignore you?
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I used to work with women who would ignore me at work if I said anything to them, but if they saw me out at a store, they would say hi to me. Should I have ignored them, like they did to me?
GENTLE READER: Deliberately ignoring someone who is speaking to you is a high insult, one that is tantamount to severing relations. For that very reason, it is not something you should strain to see when it was not intended. Why would someone insult you at work but then later greet you at the store?
You can always repeat a greeting to make sure the person heard, but Miss Manners cautions that with more casual acquaintances, it may be wiser to overlook such slights.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have discovered that my husband’s small business has been sending out birthday/anniversary cards addressed to clients by their first names (e.g., Joe Smith). I believe that the envelopes should be addressed using a title (Mr. Joe Smith).
I have been informed by my husband, and his young receptionist, that using the title is too formal and omitting it is friendlier.
His clients are professionals between the ages of 30 and 90. I believe that most of them were raised during a time of proper etiquette, and that my husband not using titles makes his correspondence appear uncouth. Am I just being too picky?
GENTLE READER: “Mr. Joe Smith” would be Miss Manners’ preference. But then, she would also prefer not to receive birthday cards from her (for instance) dentist, who knows her birthday only from her private medical records — not because he is a friend.
Now Miss Manners has a question of her own: Is this decision being made by the proprietor of the business, his wife or the receptionist who claims to know what everybody is doing these days? She is merely curious, since the lines between the personal and the professional seem to be particularly blurred at your husband’s place of business.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a tremor in my hands, worse in my dominant hand, and it affects my table manners.
In public, I try to choose foods that are relatively easy for me to handle, but I often have to make unconventional accommodations, such as holding my right hand with my left while eating, or putting my chin right over my bowl.
On occasion, if a food proves too difficult, I ask the restaurant to wrap it up, telling them that I am full. Then I take it home, where I can eat it in whatever manner I choose.
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GENTLE READER: Not on Miss Manners’ account, nor for any rule of etiquette. Accommodations for physical necessity are an essential part of good manners.
Sadly, the greatest proof of this lies in the now-rampant misuse of the rule. Why do you think we are discovering so many new diseases and allergies every time someone decides they do not want to eat their peas?
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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