While this phrase has some merits, one psychologist points out some subtle but significant issues."There is nothing wrong with including part of this sentence as a response to a proposed plan, but to assume a group activity cannot happen just because you are not available is problematic unless it is an event in your honor," clarifies Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.However, telling colleagues that they absolutely cannot go to happy hour on Friday because you have a wedding to attend is unfair.Related: People Who Received Very Little Affection in Childhood Often Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
2. "I know exactly how you feel—let me tell you about when it happened to me."
One psychologist shares this phrase is a surefire way to rub people the wrong way, even if you're just kidding."It signals a lack of reciprocal attention," explains Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist. "Even when said playfully, it reveals a pattern of redirecting conversations toward their own stories."Related: This Is the #1 Mistake People Make During Small Talk, Jefferson Fisher Warns
4. “I didn’t do anything to deserve that treatment!”
Real talk: That could be part of the problem. "Rather than seeking understanding, this communicates judgment and a lack of curiosity about others’ emotional landscapes," Dr. McGeehan reveals. "There isn’t a clarifying question, empathy or curiosity, which are all things we would expect to see in a healthy back and forth. Rather, it’s effectively shutting the conversation down."Related: The #1 Best Way To Stop Being Defensive in Relationships, According to Therapists
6. "You're overreacting."
Different people bring distinct experiences and perspectives to the table, which is often positive. However, people who are self-absorbed may struggle to see things any way but their way."This phrase means that they have a very narrow view of the world," Dr. Hafeez says. "It also suggests that their own thoughts are the norm, and it is difficult to think that someone else’s thoughts are equally valid."Related: 6 Signs Someone Is ‘Deflecting’ and How To Respond, According to a Psychologist
8. "I’m just being honest."
Dr. Hafeez says this phrase not only exudes "self-absorbed" vibes, but it's also just plain rude."Rather than being willing to hear what the other person feels, they focus on their own feelings, often cutting off deeper connection or understanding," she warns.Related: 5 Reasons Why Some People Just Can't Apologize, According to a Therapist—Plus, What They Tend To Say Instead
10. "People are always jealous of me."
This one sounds cool. However, it can be rather cold when used in certain situations."This phrase often dismisses others’ emotional needs or challenges, implying they are unimportant or excessive," Dr. McGeehan explains. "I usually hear this one when someone comes to a friend for support, and that friend is too self-absorbed to tolerate holding space for someone else."To add insult to injury?"This phrase dismisses this person’s need while also adding a flavor of judgment by calling it drama," Dr. McGeehan warns.
12. "Well, here’s what I would’ve done."
How To Become Less Self-Absorbed
Dr. Smith says this step is an internal one—no one needs to be aware of it. However, it can help you intentionally create more balance in interactions with others.Key caveat: "No one is asking you to stop considering yourself," she clarifies. "They’d just like for you to grow by considering them too."For instance, she says you may notice that you consider yourself at a 10:1 ratio—don't expect to reach a 50:50 ratio in an hour."Even the best of us are not always completely balanced, so that does not need to be the goal," Dr. Smith says. "Rather, just focus on increasing the number of times you actually pause to consider the person you’re speaking with or interacting with."Related: People Who Were 'Spoiled' as Children Usually Develop These 16 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
2. Practice active listening
After listening with curiosity, you'll be better equipped to ask some questions that make a person feel seen and cared for."Asking thoughtful, non-performative questions keeps the focus on connection rather than control," Dr. McGeehan says. "It signals genuine interest and helps shift your attention away from being understood to understanding. This is often a soft skill that is underdeveloped for someone who is self-absorbed."Related: 20 Specific, Expert-Backed Ways To Be a Better Listener and Have More Meaningful Conversations
4. Get vulnerable
Up Next:
Related: People Who Heard These 9 Phrases Growing up Were Likely Raised by Self-Centered Parents
Sources:
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and the director of Comprehend the MindDr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with ThriveworksBrittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D, a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor Read More Details
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