I wonder what you would say, instinctively, if I asked you whether you can remember the moment your childhood ended. Most people have a rough sense. There’s your 18th birthday, but that’s just a legal definition. In my case, I remember the day, the time and the place.
That was the day everything changed. In retrospect, aged 38, I was quite an old child that morning. But I’ve been in a funk ever since. Grief hit me extremely hard. My father’s death, aged 76, after catching pneumonia, was a shock. Time is a healing balm and all that, but I’m ashamed to say that I have actively avoided thinking about him.
Not really: I didn’t want to think about my dear dad, thank you very much. But a conversation with my beloved mum and my kind wife, in the presence of my four young children, softened the scepticism.
That seemed like just the sort of thing a son should do for his dear, departed dad. And the film could be a deep dive, not just into my past and grief, but an ancient civilisation and global faith still little understood in the West.
Truly, you have never seen so many people in one place. This was the biggest gathering of humanity ever. And right there in the middle of it was your humble correspondent: an atheist embracing his Hindu heritage; a grieving son trying to do right by his dad; and tens of millions of devotees heading for these rivers.
I’ll always remember this trip. It has brought me closer to a tradition, and a father. In undertaking the same rituals conducted by millions of people over thousands of years, I felt a profound sense of membership. I left with a suspicion confirmed: religion answers enduring human needs in a way that secular societies often struggle to. Those needs include the consolations of belonging and participation in epic stories much larger than ourselves.
I won’t tell you if I made it to the water, or to the confluence. But I think my dad would have been proud of the effort.
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