But a new study shows that all too often, parents of teenagers are too worried to let them spread their holiday wings because they fear for their safety.
“Parents may believe they are shielding their teens from possible harm, but being overprotective can limit their ability to develop important life skills,” said Sarah Clark, an expert in parental perspectives on child health at the hospital.
“The holidays are a nice opportunity because families are out of their usual routines, without the time constraints of school and parent jobs. That makes it easier to find pockets of time for teens to have some independent activity,” she said.
“In general, we would expect big differences between a 13- and 18-year-old, because the younger teen typically would have had fewer “skill-building” experiences where they learn how to do things themselves. But on top of that, the family dynamic has a big impact, especially how much the parents are managing things the kids could be doing for themselves.”
Clark told The i Paper her top tips on preparing your teenage child to spend time safely alone on your family holiday.
How to help your child spend time safely alone
Be purposeful about letting your teen take the lead in handling day-to-day interactions – ordering at a restaurant, picking up dry-cleaning, checking in at the doctor’s office. Yes, it can take more time – but the payoff is worth it! Parents may be surprised at how often they jump in and do things that their teen could do. Try to “think aloud” in front of your teen. For example, when parking at the mall, parents might say aloud, “So we’re in lot A-4, and we’re in front of the Tesco store. I’ll remember that when we come out.” That’s giving the teen information on a strategy, but not in a preachy way. If teens are not accustomed to being alone, start small and let them handle routine situations. Don’t problem-solve by text. Encourage them to figure it out. When practising, make plans – but occasionally disrupt the plan (for example, come home early, change the pick-up location). That will help your teen learn to deal with unexpected situations. A goal is to give teens enough experience that they begin to develop their “spidey sense” on when things aren’t quite right. Many women are used to dealing with creepy men, and it takes time to develop an awareness of what seems off. Consider a first aid course: Rather than worry about their teen having an accident or injury, parents can enrol them in a first aid course online or through a community organisation, so they can gain knowledge and skills. Go over basic safety guidelines: If parents feel their teen might be scared to stay alone in a hotel room for a short time, they might go over rules about locking the doors, responding to a knock from housekeeping or what to do if they’re approached by a stranger. Agree on how often and where you will reconnect: Discuss how often you’d like them to check in, where to meet, a time to return and how to contact parents if plans change. Remember: Mistakes are not failures of the teen or failures of the parent – they are learning opportunities. The learning comes from the debrief – discussing what went wrong and what other strategies could have helped. Prepare teens for questions they might get from nosy adults. This is especially true for teens who look young. So an example response might be: “I’m hanging out at the park with my friend. My parents know we’re here, and I’m glad they know that I’m responsible enough to handle myself. But thanks for being concerned about me.” Finally, be a positive part of the parenting community. When you see teens on their own, be encouraging (or at least leave them be). We need to think of teen independence as a normal and positive thing. Read More Details
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