Experts reveal subtle traits and behaviors to look out for.
2. Valuing Image Over Authentic Connection
Dr. Saidi says self-absorbed types are often more focused on how relationships look rather than how they feel."People who are self-absorbed tend to be highly focused on how they are perceived, often through social media posts, curated stories and self-promotion," she explains. "These matter more to them than vulnerability and mutual sharing, which creates authentic connections."
4. Interrupting or Dominating Conversations
Sometimes, it's challenging for someone to get a word in with a self-absorbed person, which can also wreak havoc on connections."Cutting people off or talking over them makes others feel unheard," Dr. Hafeez adds. "It shuts down authentic dialogue and creates an environment where people feel unsafe expressing themselves."
6. Never (Actually) Apologizing
The issues with criticism and accountability can also lead self-absorbed people to treat saying "Sorry" like a dirty word. When they do say it? It's often not a "real" apology."They may say things like 'I'm sorry you feel that way' instead of acknowledging their impact," says Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "This can leave others feeling invalidated and can make it harder to repair the relationship."Related: 5 Reasons Why Some People Just Can't Apologize, According to a Therapist—Plus, What They Tend To Say Instead
8. Quick To Share Advice
This one is often well-intentioned, but Dr. Lira de la Rosa says going into "fix-it mode" without genuinely listening to someone has pitfalls."It can shut down the other person’s emotional process," he explains. "In relationships, people usually want to feel understood before they are offered solutions."
It's natural to love compliments and pats on the back, but it can veer into "self-absorbed" territory if the need for praise is constant."Excessive dependence on external validation can become draining and one-sided in relationships, especially when a partner or child’s emotional needs are being overshadowed," Dr. Ayrapetyan shares.
10. Can't Celebrate Others' Wins
Dr. Ayrapetyan explains that it's important to ask other people questions and show genuine interest in their thoughts. Otherwise, she warns it sends a memo that "you don't matter.""In a family, this can cause a partner or child to feel emotionally neglected or unseen, even if that wasn’t the intent," she explains.
12. Rules Don't Apply
How To Become Less Self-Absorbed
Active listening can crucially help with self-absorbed traits, like jumping to give advice and lacking empathy."This means slowing down, making eye contact and showing real interest in what the other person is saying without thinking about how to respond right away," Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains. "You might ask a thoughtful question or reflect back on what you heard. These small changes can make people feel deeply respected and valued."Related: 20 Specific, Expert-Backed Ways To Be a Better Listener and Have More Meaningful Conversations
2. Do One Thing Each Day for Someone Without Strings Attached
3. Check in With Yourself After Social Interactions
Self-awareness is key in curbing self-absorbed behavior, and reflection can help."Reflecting on how you engaged helps build awareness and accountability," Dr. Hafeez says.She suggests asking yourself questions like: "Did I dominate the conversation? Did I ask enough about the other person? How might they have felt?""Even five minutes of honest reflection after a social moment can lead to lasting change," Dr. Hafeez says.Up Next:
Related: 85 Selfish Quotes to Help You With Self-Centered People and Keep Your Own Ego in Check
Sources:
Dr. Lilit Ayrapetyan, Psy.D., a Los Angeles–based licensed clinical psychologistDr. Crystal Saidi, PsyD., a psychologist with ThriveworksDr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the MindDr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor Read More Details
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