First, let’s talk about what sets a high-level gaslighter apart.For one, they are “more calculated, polished and subtle in their tactics,” according to Dr. Harry Cohen, PhD, a psychologist and the author of Be the Sun, Not the Salt. They're generally likeable people, he continues, and they use plausible deniability and “reasonable” language to make their lies seem more convincing.Dr. Amelia Kelley, PhD, a trauma-informed therapist, researcher, podcaster and author of Gaslighting Recovery for Women, shares similar input. She adds they're “often socially rewarded for the very traits that make their behavior so dangerous,” and that they're hard to spot “because on the surface, they often seem emotionally intelligent, generous, even vulnerable.”
Related: The 10 Earliest Signs of Emotional Manipulation To Look Out For, According to PsychologistsWhat that might look like in practice, Dr. Cohen says, is claiming they “never said that,” shifting blame to make you question your reality, or eroding your confidence and self-trust so they're more dominant and in control.And the cause of that, he continues, could be a variety of factors, from narcissistic personality disorder to antisocial tendencies to even deep insecurity.
4 Common Habits of High-Level Gaslighters, According to Psychologists
2. Having selective amnesia
Have you ever brought up a time they said something hurtful, and they swear it didn’t happen? That can be another sign.“They conveniently ‘forget’ critical events or conversations, especially the ones that prove your version of reality,” Dr. Cohen says. “Over time, you question your memory, become hesitant to trust your gut and depend more on them for ‘truth.’”Sometimes, people genuinely remember things differently. The difference is, they aren’t trying to manipulate you or make you question your sanity by saying so.
4. Employing triangulation through charm
When you’re doubting yourself, your perceptions and your reality, you may turn to a loved one or other person who was there. Did what you think happened really happen? Be aware that their perception may not be accurate either. High-level gaslighters “cultivate strong, positive impressions with others (bosses, friends, therapists) so that if you confront them, they can subtly frame you as unstable or overreactive to others,” Dr. Cohen says. In other words, your coworkers or friends might not see the gaslighter’s bad side, so they feed you the same (wrong) information.
Take notes on what’s happening, even if and when you don’t trust your judgment.“Keeping a written or digital log of conversations, events or patterns creates an objective record you can refer back to,” Dr. Cohen explains. “Be specific with dates and times and verbatim quotes. This counters their manipulation of facts and helps you reclaim your sense of reality.”Besides writing what was said, note how it makes you feel and what your body is telling you. “The patterns start to reveal themselves when you see it in writing,” Dr. Kelley says.Also, even if it doesn’t feel true now, it may feel true later.Remember, the keyword is “privately.” Where can you put these notes so the other person won’t see them?Related: 10 Phrases To Begin a Workplace Complaint, According to DEI & HR Expert Natalie E. Norfus
Reconnect with your intuition
Whether you’re setting a boundary around how they talk to you, physical space or something different, know you’re allowed to, no questions asked.In fact, not explaining may turn out in your favor. “High-level gaslighters often twist your reasoning,” Dr. Cohen says. “By setting firm, concise boundaries without overexplaining, you reduce their opportunities to manipulate your words.” If they ask for an explanation or justification, he suggests saying something like “I’m not available for that conversation right now” or “I’ve made my decision.” This can help you avoid getting pulled into a debate (that’s impossible to win).Related: Do Manipulators Know What They're Doing? A Psychologist Shares the Truth
Remind yourself that you don’t need to catch them in a lie
Seek support from neutral third parties and trusted loved ones
When you feel “crazy,” having someone to back you up and provide validation and perspective can mean so much. “Whether it’s a friend, therapist or support group, being heard and believed can be a turning point,” Dr. Kelley says. “A validating conversation can re-anchor you in what’s true.”Dr. Cohen speaks to the specific ways a therapist can help. “A professional, in particular, can help you name what’s happening and develop grounded strategies to protect yourself emotionally and psychologically,” he says. “Create your own group of trusted advisors to check your reality and offer helpful support and practical guidance.”
Related: 14 Genius Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting, According to Psychologists
Sources:
Dr. Harry Cohen, PhD, psychologist and authorDr. Amelia Kelley, PhD, trauma-informed therapist, researcher, podcaster and author Read More Details
Finally We wish PressBee provided you with enough information of ( 4 Common Habits of High-Level Gaslighters, According to Psychologists )
Also on site :