DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was on a flight and sitting in the aisle seat. The middle seat and window seat were occupied by strangers.
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The woman in the window seat reached over and poked me, telling me to stand up.
I have severe hearing loss. I have a hearing aid and an implant. I’m not sure if she had been trying to tell me this and I hadn’t heard her.
I was infuriated. I told her, “Don’t poke me. Don’t touch me.”
I thought we learned to keep our hands to ourselves in kindergarten. What would Miss Manners do?
GENTLE READER: Poking one’s seat mate is not allowed, Miss Manners will agree.
However, while she realizes how difficult it is on airplanes these days to locate space for all of one’s body parts, you are going to need to find space to put between your reasonable frustration with your seat mate’s misbehavior and reacting with full-throttled fury.
Holding your arm, and not instantly complying, will make the point that attack is not the best way to obtain compliance. It will also prevent things from escalating and allow you to take into account that your attacker might have a pressing medical concern.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a community volunteer who participates in and has created community organizations to do a variety of projects — arts, history, service, political advocacy and so forth.
I deeply enjoy it and have devoted a lot of time to this work over the years.
The other night, though, after feeling a little slowed down and more tired than usual (I’m in my late 60s with some age-related medical issues) and thinking that I’d like to start cutting back on some of my volunteer load, I commented to that effect during a meeting.
My friends, probably thinking that they were expressing their admiration for my long-term productivity, laughed at the idea that I could be feeling tired.
In other words, instead of expressing sympathy and openness about helping me shed responsibilities, they maybe assumed that I must be joking.
I was a little taken aback, surprised and a little hurt. What would be a good way to politely approach this at the next meeting?
GENTLE READER: With an announcement that you are now cutting back.
Yes, you will get more laughter, denial and attempts to dissuade you. It means more work for them — and Miss Manners believes that is where you may expect their sympathy to be directed.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am at a loss how to address and what to say to a couple with a turbulent marriage.
Last I heard from one of the spouses, they were filing for divorce, but that has happened several times before.
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I have not seen or heard of a status update on social media, but I don’t follow closely. Please advise me how to navigate this tricky territory with respect and kindness.
GENTLE READER: Curious, though, are we? If you have not heard from them, Miss Manners does not see that you have any immediate problem.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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